Day Five


Every journey has its missteps and yesterday those were in the form of cheesy fries and margaritas. Ugh, and gross beer. Not even worth the money or calories, but it happens. Today I spent lounging around the apartment watching “The Office” and feeling sorry for myself. Ugh, smoking too. I thought I was at a point that I could have alcohol and not want to smoke cigarettes, but at some point, that impulse control just evaporates. It was fun, but ultimately not worth it. Weekends are a challenge, though. You have that nice controlled environment of work and then getting ready for work the night before and morning to set a good intention for the week. With the weekend, there is no structure, and adding a few drinks, and what is left of my brain quickly dissolves into a snow globe of mascara and glitter. I mostly just want to apologize to my body for treating it so badly.

All you can do is look forward. Have my schedules for yoga/gym, so I can make the best decisions according to what time I can and will get up in the morning. Trying to schedule it so I can do one in the morning and one in the evening. Bikram might be better I think in the morning, and then schedule the group exercise accordingly. My fitbit arrives tomorrow, and that makes me pretty excited, just getting back into the routine of something is strangely  euphoric to me these days. Not a big fan of being messy or disorganized anymore. Time to grow up. Despite my lack of dedication to exercise, the other empty space of the day seems hard to feel without any real responsibilities to work. These are definitely first world problems, I am aware, but despite trying to do the right thing, I always end up doing the wrong one. I am supposed to see a therapist on the 6th, so hopefully she will help me sort out my anxieties.

FOMO is a big one for me, but mostly just feel abandoned. My relationships with my friends are not as strong anymore and I understand that people have their own lives to live, but it especially hurts when you reach out to people and they do not really respond. Maybe it is time to make new friends, and perhaps this will happen with the blogging and wellness community. It is never too late for a fresh start, right?

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