Making excuses, but 30 day challenges are probably best started on the start of the month, ergo I had dairy in my coffee this morning. Whoops. It isn’t like I am gaining weight either, but not making any significant strides to my goals either, except for reading, which I guess is cool. Yesterday was the defensive driving class, which I shall not name because it wasn’t great. I mean, I had very low expectations, and bless his heart he certainly was trying to be funny. For some reason I expected to see like a comedy troupe and sketch humor, but it was really just one guy and a Robin Williams very much impression (on a side note, the Family Guy where everyone turned into him was on, go figure!). IMHO, he should really stick with the anecdotes and ease up on the impressions, but I certainly give him props on being able to fill 6 hours of time with material. I have done only 3 hours of training, and it is tough!
Pew pew, I hate when I start a thought and don’t finish it. Diet has been a drag, no tracking. No Fitbit to track the steps either. Haven’t been getting 10k either, maybe a few thousand from shopping and walking around the work building but not nearly enough to be healthy. Yoga has been spotty at best, with like one home practice, despite my goal of getting 150 hours in on year. I wouldn’t even say that is a very lofty goal but that requires about a 3-4 hour commitment per week, if I want to accomplish this by July 15th of next year, maybe less since I already have 30 hours. Anyway, I would like to think my slacktastic weekend is due to my boyfriend not being around, and I feel like I have no accountability towards anyone, but that is such bullshit. Am I not accountable to myself? Maybe this is what depression is like. Who knows? At least there is music.
Music makes me lose control! Who doesn’t like music, right. My bf teases me all the time, because I am this snob about electronic, ie: I don’t listen to really anything outside of electronic, and whatever, that may be somewhat true with the exception of a few bands, but as Charles Duhigg has pointed out, this isn’t my fault. We like what is familiar, and for the past oh, 11 years, EDM has just been my thing. I sneer at jam band music, too, sorry. 😦 The librarian wants to catalog things, so here is the beginning of my list, Azoic, The:
I would write a bunch about this, but the track is about 11 years old, and maybe I am just too self-conscious about what the 12 of you think about my prose, but anything I type just seems cliché and not important. Ugh, oh so negative, I hate it. Fear is the worst thing for creativity, don’t you agree? There are probably so many things I could talk about but the fear of being judged as too old, or not artistic enough, or shallow really makes me a bit depressed. Maybe, I just need some more liquid courage, and by that I mean caffeine, that always helps, right? Okay, now just babbling on, who would want to read this at all? Fuck, I am feeling too anxious. I am stressed about things, but hopefully they will get resolved. I used to have such joy in this and now it feels like a chore, life feels a bit like that lately, though. Lauren needs to get her groove back.