I’m losing focus


It is hard to write this because I feel like there are a lot of things that I want to do but some weird imaginary force keeps me back from them. In reality, there is no force, it is just me. I keep repeating to myself that things are going to be better in October, but are they really? There is an end of the month anxiety that I feel, maybe it is partly watching my bank account drain from the plethora of bills I am paying, or maybe it is just a disappointment of not having completed my goals from the month before and slowly watching my life dissolve in front of me. Fuck wrinkles, by the way.

Reorganizing my goals into categories helps but it really isn’t enough. I still have the desire to buy a new pink purse, or some other thing that I don’t really need in my life. It seems like it should be as simple as creating a flowchart with a basic question, “Does this action support or detract from reaching your goals?”..  With the obvious “support” -> do the action or “detract” -> don’t do the action, dummy! It should be that simple, shouldn’t it? I just wish that the desire to do to bad things wasn’t there.

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Fucking autosave, I had all this stuff written down and now it is gone. Anyway, poached chicken = awesome and doesn’t cost me $400. Not technically, but yes, I ate sushi Friday, and since this is not yelp, not going to name names of this terrible place, but they had charged us $397.48, and let me tell you, it was good sushi but it wasn’t that good, and it was just a generally bad experience, and normally I would overlook something like this and just focus on the food, but Strike 1) the server made a snide comment about how quickly we ate. Strike 2, they made this terrible error, and then Strike 3, when we went into the place so they could cancel the transaction, they basically told us to GTFO in awkward English, sorry but it is true. I hate it when you cannot communicate dissatisfaction with someone because of that, you would think they would at least know that this was at terrible mistake and correct it, but there were a ton of people and it was a lot of pressure for us to leave. So, yes, those three things will definitely not make me come back there.

Because I have bitching a lot lately, I wanted to take a break and just express in reality, that though my student loan, credit card, and automobile loans might be almost unbearably high, last year at this time, I was living in a 300 square feet extended stay because of my bad credit and ended lease. Now, I am in a 1100 sqft place and have room to explore my passions such as dance, hooping and blasting tunes. I think there was more that I wanted to say, but I can’t remember it.

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