New Beginnings

I am starting over with this blog on http://www.fitorama.net. Not sure if any of you who follow  me on wordpress.com will be able to see my posts now in your feed, but I may try to see if I can find a plugin that will let me do reposts automatically. Anyway, I should be getting some kind of subscription function from my blog if you are interested in following!

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Raining bad times.

The thundering weather in Austin sets up a good metaphor for the bullshit that has been happening to me lately. So, as much as I wanted to, the mini-vacay was just not in the cards because of some unforeseen medical bills, so that sucked. On top of that, my phone decided to be an ass and stop working, my hope is that it is just the battery and that I can get it replaced soon. So the consequences of that have been that I have had to put my GymPact on hold, because there has been no way of checking in via RunKeeper or through the GPS. Sucks, I really liked having that accountability. In general, I have been pretty depressed, too. I have to have hope that this is the end of bad things and better things will start happening, but then again it has been a long stretch of bad. 

Weight has been pretty stable at 126-127, but then again I have been eating mostly beans, veggies, and rice (I was able to basically feed two people for like 5 days on $15, crazy huh?) I know like weight loss, life has a way of working out, if you make the right choices, but being stressed out all the times certainly doesn’t create the right environment to make those. I made it 15 days smoke free, and this past Saturday I relented “socially” to indulge in those awful things. The cognitive dissonance doesn’t work on me, I know they are terrible, fatal, and it is not likely that science will help me grow a new lung. Yet, give me a mint julep (my way of celebrating the Kentucky Derby) and a bloody Mary and those concerns just melt away. Pathetic. Stop doing stupid shit, Lauren. Self-destruction isn’t cute anymore. Ugh, can someone cheer me up, please.

 

Thankful Thursday – eating your words

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Waterloo Icehouse breakfast – so good!

So, I knew that I would regret posting that spoiled brat kind of rant, but honestly it was kind of a distraction for things that were really bothering, but did not want to publicly rant about. I can say that they are resolved. There are some other matters that need to be taken care of, but I don’t feel so crazy stressed about things, and just have a general sense that everything will work out for me.

Ah, endorphins, in my personal exercise experience, I have come to the conclusion that even if I do cardio/gym stuff at night, that I should get some activity even if it is rather light walking, in before I go to work. The well-being of exercise really carries over into my daily activities and I feel very at peace. One thing that I notice that I am doing less and less of, however, is obsessively tracking my food, but at the same time, I am not really eating much of a breakfast (coffee) or lunch (cashews, almonds  and/or pistachios from the office), and really not eating a huge dinner (too broke to get fast food, hah!) This probably isn’t the best meal plan, as I am freaking starving right now. Not really attempting to starve myself, but  I usually will just forget to pack a meal and just  not that hungry in the morning. So, I need to work on that. Thankfully I had breakfast this morning, bacon instead of fruit, as pictured.
Anywho, the struggle not to become a cardio queen continues, my gym is going to be offering ballet classes, so that might be a cool thing to try and will sneak in some strength training because it feels so hard to to do it on my own gumption.  Oh, so very hungry, only about 90 minutes until I get to rock out with stir-fry yumminess.

A little bit empty-brained, so will sign off for now.

Trying to keep it all together

I shouldn’t even really be posting about my problems, because they are pretty miniscule in comparison to what I could be dealing with. However, there are many things I want to complain about, but I “can’t”. I could if I wanted to be a bitch, but then again that would just add to the drama. Let’s just use wonderfully ambiguous terms, so we don’t have to address the real problems, yeah that’s the ticket. I am not even sure what the point is anymore to any of these. I can’t do the things I like to do because of financial limitations, and it bothers me. I can’t get out of the financial limitations because of even more financial limitations (moving costs money, you see)  and even if I did have the money to move, there is just no opportunity, for me at least. Nice job spending $30,000 for an education that did not pay off. Believe it or not, I actually have a Master’s degree, which I feel like I should barbecue sometimes because it does me little good. I won’t go down without a fight, per the cliché. The little improvements in my life such as trying to keep a budget (could be why I am so depressed) and learning programming are improving my self-esteem and sense of control, but it is a challenge to feel not completely overwhelmed with worry about not being able to keep my shit together as it were.  Maybe it is all the caffeine I consume during the day, but I also suffer from insomnia just because I worry about the future, and trying to take care of everyone and trying to be a generally good person (which apparently I am not) Sigh, don’t air out your dirty laundry, just don’t do it.

Yeah, I am supposed to be busy, but I can’t help but be a little bit upset that I am negative money right now (my fault, of course). Oh god, I feel like such a spoiled brat for complaining about this, but here goes. So, I won tickets for this show in Dallas on the 4th, but between my budget for all the bills that I have due, the rent, and just general living expenses for groceries and such, not sure how I will be able to afford getting Lucy boarded and paying for the hotel to be able to stay overnight. (without getting back into lovely credit card debt). So, it feels like a huge shit show, to even go to Dallas, FUCKING DALLAS!! Are you kidding me?? I am not asking to go to Milan or something extravagant, just a 3 hour trip out of town. It is ridiculous, the fact that I can’t afford to even do that makes me fucking sick to my stomach. I feel like such a failure at life. Okay, shut up and get back to work.

Foodie Friday – Easy Peasey, mac-n-cheezie!

I have a bit of a weakness for the Velveeta (or HEB brand) Mac n Cheese that has the “cheese” that you squeeze out of the package, but how many chemicals are in that stuff, right? Bonus points, if you had hot dogs, jeeze louise, can we make this dish any more unhealthy? Okay, so I really don’t care about that stuff, because really you have to a few vices, right?  Also, that Macoroni and Cheese from Boston Market is amazing, but a little bit pricier than the grocery store variety. Chemicals aside, having the ingredients at home to make your own is a lot more economical than going to pay $23 for the meal for 3 (yes, there are only two of us, but we used it for multiple meals — don’t judge!)

At any rate the BF found a recipe on chow tips to make your own baked macaroni, problem is we didn’t have some of the ingredients, so we just ended up winging it with half and half, and the cheeses that we did have. The chicken he baked was amazing too. The results were great, so much so that I made it a second night, tonight! It was surprisingly easy to execute:

1. For about 10 minutes boil a crapload of macaroni and drain

2. While hot, and a splash of half and half, plus a few handful of cheddar and parmesan mix

3. Stir until there is no liquid on the bottom, and mixture is creamy

4. Add salt and garlic to taste

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So the mixture isn’t quite as uniform as the chemical stuff you buy in the packets or at the deli counter, but the taste is equal and I am not going to be a snob about something that doesn’t have the exact consistency as bunch of icky preservatives. Not sure how much the ingredients were total, but it probably was just a touch more expensive but cheaper than Boston Market. Overall, I think it was a win. Tomorrow, we dance!

 

Motivation Monday: The GoGo Life.

Disclaimer, I am about 8 years old than most of these girls on this video, and while I probably will never be able to chase my dreams of being a “professional” gogo, I am okay with hitting up a few more festivals before I hit 35 and maybe put that part of my life in my history, but who knows? There are women in their 70’s who do bodybuilding competitions, why the hell couldn’t I do freaking dancing in my 30’s right? This video, in particular, was inspiring:

Love MsEasy, and her frankness and honesty, and I wish she could coach me!  Now, as I have mentioned already, even if I were in Denver, I probably have missed the boat on becoming a professional performer (maybe not with hooping, but I would need to improve drastically), but even so, it would just be so amazing to get to do an event like Electric Daisy Carnival, but I do not have much in the way of videos from performances and I would need to get an audition video out. The only problem is that, as my body is right now, I feel uncomfortable dancing around scantily clad, as one would expect from a dancer, and thus the clean eating and preparation for that. If I could just lose 20 pounds, that would go along way to making myself feel more confident with performing. I don’t want to give up on a dream, so I want to be even more focused and determined to get to where I need to be with this weight. That is why I need to SWEAT EVERY DAY (see what I did there) and just make sure all my eating habits are super balanced, gosh it is difficult but it really isn’t if you have a goal that is bigger than yourself.

Another great way to get toned is through hoopdancing, another one of my passions. Just doing some youtube surfing, I found these great tips on how to improve, and thought I would share:

I hope having the phsysique that is desired for gogo dancing will be enough to keep me  motivated. It might be a judgemental, there is just no room for flabbiness within that art. Dancing really is brutal, and I really need to evaluate my ability to be visually appealing for this particular type of performance. Any go go tips would be greatly appreciated, too. Stay sweaty!

Work(it)out Wednesday – Spring into Summer!

Vacation, time to get away!

Vacation, time to get away!

So, with the lack of inspiration, I am going to steal like an artist and piggyback from a post by ChicFitChef  yesterday and talk about the summer time. Around this time the diet and fitness industry is really going into overdrive about bikini season and giving our collective body dysmorphic disorders a shot of adrenaline. Well, I can’t really help being unhappy with your body, as that is a personal journey that even my zen (yeah right) self struggles with almost daily. But, as far as self-improvement, there are a few things that we can all do to look our best for the beach:

1. Ditch the Booze
Spring Break is over, and you probably need a good detox as it were. Sure happy hours that turn into late hours are fun, but really do you need to add those extra calories. Clean eating is not easy but, IMO, teetotaling is. Okay, so you may have to become a hermit, at least that has been my experience in Austin, y’all love to drink! Also, once you give up the sauce, then I feel like it builds the better habit to do more stricter elimination such as sugar/processed carbs. Admittedly, I was going to recommend a Whole 30, but really a sensible diet plan can get you there, just takes more like 60 days versus 30.

2. C U later
So after some research, because I am truthful I decided to ditch my hypothesis about Vitamin C,  cortisol and weight loss because of this. I am not going to dismiss Vitamin C for weight loss however, because of this. Not to mention its many other health benefits, Vitamin C assists in collagen synthesis, and I think you know where I am going with this. Oh no, the c-word, dun dun dun.. CELLULITE. I don’t have any articles to back me up here, but it stands to reason, if collagen is the result of the breakdown of collagen, and you are taking something that restores it? (not sure if that is accurate, biologists help me out here) that Vitamin C would at least mitigate future attacks of this dreaded orange peel accessory. Anyway, I am trying it, and will let you know if that works out for me, do keep in my my confounding variables of other nutrition and exercise, for you more skeptical readers!

3. Sleepytime!
Feel like a big ole hypocrite for advising on this one because I had like 3 hours of sleep last night, but study after study after study has linked sleep with weight loss, and I feel like it needs to be repeated in this insomniac society we live that getting some shut-eye can greatly improve our health. Also, it just makes you feel better, and when you feel better, you look better, totally anecdotal, but probably true.

A case of the blah’s

It has been too long since I have posted, and furthermore, there has been nothing great to report on either. The eating habits have been not great, the working out has been better with the combination of dancing, walking, and a sprinkle of yoga. Not so much to talk about except, it is with a heavy heart that I am reporting that I will not be doing the Electric Run despite having paid for it already. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I don’t want to be walking through it. It ain’t called the “Electric Walk”. So yeah, kinda depressed about. This is the second time I have signed up for something and pussed out on it. It might be a fear of failure, but I have also lapsed on training, and I am sick right now, so I couldn’t make up the days, booo!

I really wish there were better news to report, but I am basically posting to not get kicked out of AFBA Had this great idea to do a “Meatless March” I am back on the flesh, but here are some Veggie friendly places that I scoped, you can just forget about me ever doing vegan. Love my cheese, love my eggs, sorry cows and chickens, I like your babies and their food:

For the remainder of this month, I am going to pretend to be happy. Even if I feel like crap inside, I am going to slap on a shit-eating grin and fake like studying for the CAPM isn’t the most boring fucking thing ever.

Gym-Pact is up to 5 days now. I failed last week because I was sick from the southby revelry (no, it WASN’T a hangover) but today is always a new day, right? This is the mustardy water from the writing I wish I could squeeze on my sandwich.

Social Media Siesta Sorta

Forgive me if I seem a bit delirious, because I aaaaam. Decided about a week ago to quit using Facebook and twitter for a few weeks, well just because it was making me feel bad. It’s not that I don’t enjoy finding out about every mundane thing or even sharing my own crap, but it was beginning to be a bit much and with a bit of determination (deleting the sites’ histories and applications also helped), managed to stay off the sites, but the pinning, oh that Pinterest has its pins in me, hyuck hyuck.

Why so delirious? I am pretty sure that I have been at a severe deficit calorie-wise. Yesterday was under 1200, Sunday was 1299, Saturday big numbers with 1668, but mucho cardio (see below)

Here are the running results for the weekend (the sizing is a bit off)

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Super excited about actually doing road work instead of just the treadmill. Done about 5 running miles pn the machine, but really actually going on real terrain feels so much more rewarding, not to mention doing some serious favors for my derrière. (Yeah I said it!) ooooweeee, I am back, barely, at 125 pounds, but not gonna lie it is a bit painful right now. I have a fear that tomorrow I am going to dive face first Garfield cat-style in a pan of lasagna, and you know those stouffers frozen deals are incredible, om nom nom…

Okay, freaking tired y’all, oh btw, give me some comment love, plz!

More leftovers

Somewhere between having Lucy’s surgery, trying to save money (yay a whole $67 in 7 weeks) and being too sane for the “Insanity” program I lost my way with posting regularly on this blog and I feel like shit about it. Still doing the GymPact, and only been penalized twice for missing workouts. Just so exhausted lately, probably need to get rid of those late nights, at my age even being a “Weekend Warrior” has consequences not only on my bank account, but just in my general well being.  Here is some of my artistry captured about 2 weeks ago:

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You can find healthy options at Outback Steakhouse, apparently. Still trying to count calories, while enjoying my life, so I had the chicken on the barbie, and have to say it wasn’t bad calorie-wise, think about 450?
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That isn’t my beer, but I do need to cool it on the beer drinking. Fuck smoking, I am not really what I would call addicted (okay every day isn’t addicted?) but I want to quit permanently,  it is like peanut butter and jelly with drinking and cigarettes. You can have a PBJ sandwich, but you certainly want the jelly (cigs).

I have been going through a lot of pain lately, and some of it is my fault, but I really want things to improve in my life, more hopeful positive posts to come, I promise, but I just wanted to let everyone know I am alive.