I shouldn’t even really be posting about my problems, because they are pretty miniscule in comparison to what I could be dealing with. However, there are many things I want to complain about, but I “can’t”. I could if I wanted to be a bitch, but then again that would just add to the drama. Let’s just use wonderfully ambiguous terms, so we don’t have to address the real problems, yeah that’s the ticket. I am not even sure what the point is anymore to any of these. I can’t do the things I like to do because of financial limitations, and it bothers me. I can’t get out of the financial limitations because of even more financial limitations (moving costs money, you see) and even if I did have the money to move, there is just no opportunity, for me at least. Nice job spending $30,000 for an education that did not pay off. Believe it or not, I actually have a Master’s degree, which I feel like I should barbecue sometimes because it does me little good. I won’t go down without a fight, per the cliché. The little improvements in my life such as trying to keep a budget (could be why I am so depressed) and learning programming are improving my self-esteem and sense of control, but it is a challenge to feel not completely overwhelmed with worry about not being able to keep my shit together as it were. Maybe it is all the caffeine I consume during the day, but I also suffer from insomnia just because I worry about the future, and trying to take care of everyone and trying to be a generally good person (which apparently I am not) Sigh, don’t air out your dirty laundry, just don’t do it.
Yeah, I am supposed to be busy, but I can’t help but be a little bit upset that I am negative money right now (my fault, of course). Oh god, I feel like such a spoiled brat for complaining about this, but here goes. So, I won tickets for this show in Dallas on the 4th, but between my budget for all the bills that I have due, the rent, and just general living expenses for groceries and such, not sure how I will be able to afford getting Lucy boarded and paying for the hotel to be able to stay overnight. (without getting back into lovely credit card debt). So, it feels like a huge shit show, to even go to Dallas, FUCKING DALLAS!! Are you kidding me?? I am not asking to go to Milan or something extravagant, just a 3 hour trip out of town. It is ridiculous, the fact that I can’t afford to even do that makes me fucking sick to my stomach. I feel like such a failure at life. Okay, shut up and get back to work.