Day Twenty

Mad at myself. Not really for slipping up on the program, but I don’t think I am really honoring the spirit of the plan. In “It Starts With Food”, the Hartwigs mention that one of the goals of this program is having a healthy relationship with food. What I have is a dangerous dance into disordered eating at times. I thought the routine of work would be my sanctuary for sticking to the plan, but it turns out one sweet potato for the whole day is not going to be enough food to last. Thankfully, my boyfriend came to the rescue with an avocado so that I could make it through the last couple of hours until I came home. I really just wanted to smoke a cigarette just so that it would suppress my appetite a little and not have to eat, but how the fuck is that healthy?

Spin class today would have been disastrous, I think. I already had a bad case of the “I don’t wanna”s this morning pre-yoga, and I wasn’t feeling so blissed out in my practice when I was seeing little stars appear in my vision while in triangle pose. Not cool, not cool at all. Having eaten dinner (broccoli, chicken, onions, cilantro and spices marinated with coconut oil) I am pretty content right now, and way under my caloric recommendation for the day, so again that theme of failing to make the right connections. For me though, it is about sticking to the plan no matter what. I could have broken down and eaten some of the almonds, but I knew they were cooked in peanut oil, so that made them incompatible, or worse I could have had my formerly daily spike in insulin with my afternoon diet coke, but that would be not honest to my body. These are not good things to consume, and admittedly there might be some righteousness in restricting myself so harshly to rather go hungry than feed myself with “unclean” food. I don’t know, where is the real virtue of fasting, if it has no religious purpose. Is dieting my religion now. Bow down to the gods of Paleo eating, you’re going to get what you deserve. Ha, I am stupid.

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Day Ten

I am not sure why but after my Metal class, I have gotten in a great mood. Sipping on coffee, right now, but honestly it is just out of habit. All the yawning and stretching must have really woken me up. Early riser at 6:15 this morning, I completed my workout:

1) Ninja Jump Tuck 5 High Knees [7,6]

2) 2 Dive Bombers Plank Drunk Chicken [4,3]

3) 4 opposite knee to elbow, 2 alligator, 2 straight on [x, 2]

4) 2 pop up push-ups,  5 squat jumps [4,3]

5) Reverse Pull-ups One leg out switch legs after 5 using the Equalizer alternating side crunches instead [15, 20]

6) 4 Sumo Squats 4 Switch Lunges [5,3]

Kinda sloppy because I don’t have their same equipment, next time I will watch it all the way through first and figure out substitutions as I go along. Feeling like I have let my group fitness be abandoned, but I still have until August 19th to take 17 classes, so just have to get a bit more organized and get back on the ball with my to-do lists. Earth 60 was challenging, but the one thing I noticed is that there was music being played which I guess is cool, but I rather enjoy the silent focus of the other classes, not sure if maybe the heat being a bit turned down or the time of the day but I did not feel as present as I did with the Fire and Metal class (oh go on and admit that you just like them because they are called Fire and Metal). Heh heh heh, jokes aside,  even though they both had elements of Vinyasa, the symmetry and activation of the Metal made it feel hotter like a Fire class and thus letting me suffer enjoy the process a bit more. Sunday, they offer a Water class, may have to try this just to say that I have done them all.  The instructor says I should give Wood another try because it will strengthen my practice in the other courses, okay Jody, challenge accepted. Again, no affiliation with any of the things I discuss, in fact if they didn’t have  a low cost solution, i.e.: groupon, living social, or FREE, I wouldn’t have tried them at all.  Actually, the yoga place offers a $29 per month tuition with limited class schedules, but gives you access to all the different elemental focuses, and I think that is super cool.

Down to 121.8 this morning. Okay, so looking on the scale everyday is pretty psychologically unhealthy (especially when the numbers don’t reflect your effort) , but you can’t help but acknowledge it as a motivational tool. Losing weight is for the most part a game, if you play it correctly you will win. Of course, there are things you can’t control like water retention if you accidentally eat too much salt, but really, if you move more, eat less of the crap and eat more of the good stuff, you really can succeed. Maybe yoga is the catalyst for eating better, less stress = less stress eating, but whatever I have been doing, it has been working and I am so grateful to share my journey, also grateful that I can push myself to its limits. My smile is radiant, and my life is wonderful, and this weekend is going to kick so much ass. Happy to share with everyone who I can.

Day Nine

After a wrenching of emotions, the saga continues.  Focus Pocus, the brain fog clouds the way of any concentration these days. More poses, very sweaty, little motivation other than this blog, however. I keep hoping that one day I will wake up one day excited about working out, but you are doing well just getting me out of bed at 6am. As it turns out, walking 10k steps requires a lot more than just walking around the work building every day once an hour. It really takes an effort to get over 5 miles. I did it yesterday just in the morning by walking around the apartment complex I don’t know how many times, and ultimately I got 15,000 steps by the end of the day. Yay for me!

Plenty of hydration, diet has kinda sucked. Not eating enough calories, but what is new. Not much insight into that, really. Day 2 or 3 without having a diet coke. No smoking. Eating lots of yogurt, which reminds me that I haven’t had a proper lunch today. Could be the cause of this mysterious cloudy mind.  Sleep has been easy. Experts say you should have an electronic curfew, but what if you actually like going to sleep with the TV on, I find the antics of Micheal Scott and Dwight Shrute to be a charming way to drift to sleepyville, yes, zzzzzz, indeed.

I have no affiliation with BodyRock, but I have been following this as a plan pretty rigorously, hey the price is right!  One of the hosts, Lisa, posted a video on her fanpage about being consistent with your diet and workout plans. It really is simple but it requires a habit shift. I have been doing a lot more with yoga and walking, but for these workouts it is just a matter of wanting or not wanting to. Again, I can’t really say that I want to, but I want to write, and other than this journey, things are just not that exciting for me, so this is something that maybe people will want to listen to or maybe not, either way, typing along like an exercise machine!

Today’s BR workout was pretty boss, could not seem to really get as high as I wanted on the jumps. Here are my scores:

1) Surfer kick out 2 jump squats 2 tuck jumps [4, 2,2]

2) 5 Mountain Climbers 5 Star Jumps [3, 2,2]

3) 2 Forward Lunges 2 squat and press 2 upright rows (no sandbag) [6, 3,3]

4) 2 pushups come up to a burpee 1 tuck jump [2., 2, 3]

Every day I am getting better.

Day Eight

Fueled by caffeine and Emergen-C.

Bikram yoga was amazing as usual. I really feel a connection with my body and some pleasant side-effects have emerged. My body image has improved. Yesterday in class I was kinda feeling a bit insecure compared to some of the other skinnier chicks to the side of me. This has been a common problem of mine, even with the weight loss, I have been Goldilocks-ing myself into some serious insecurity. I can’t just believe that my body as it shrinks (namely my booty and boobies) is “just right” by my, ahem society’s, standards. That really sucks, too. Becoming more focused with my body and how it performs in certain asanas such as reverse table top, and bridge poses really sweat away any doubt I had brought about by my fake inadequacies.

Less impressed with the Wood 60 class than I am with the Fire. The Wood class was more Pilates based, which I suppose is good, but the temperature was not as hot and the focus was on the smaller muscle groups, where I am more about the explosive movements in Fire. I am looking toward doing the other classes, just have to balance my schedule of other classes with work. Neither the Wood nor the Fire classes had what I would consider inversion poses, which I have read are super awesome. William Broad would disagree, but with anything, don’t be an idiot. You can be injured driving a car, if you are careless, should you swear off driving, probably not. My yoga experience today was unfortunately punctuated by a talking-to by my instructor. After not being able to shower yesterday after class (both people were occupying the two showers), in the final corpse pose, I left early to dibs on the shower.  Well, I suppose that is bad yoga etiquette, and I should have just stayed. Ironically enough, no one needed the shower today in the morning class. So, I guess I will either have to find a way to not shower (ew), or avoid the lunch time classes from now on.

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Day Four

Sweaty like Woah. Well, right now, clean from the shower, but man was I dripping this morning. If you have never tried it, give Bikram Yoga a shot. But, what about your low tolerance for such bullshit? Okay, most yoga does not do it for me in a sense of challenge and strength, but this class entitled “Fire 60” from Sunstone Yoga really pushed my limits. Even if it was just a placebo/sauna effect, it worked! Even though I would never give up my beloved coffee, in fact I had a “Mocha Lite” Grande Frappucino before the class, but starting to understand why people go on detoxes, now, even if it should just be called fasts.

Sleep was pretty awesome last night. Only woke up about a few times and had some wicked cool dreams about teleportation and time travel. On a semi-related note, does anyone get the sense that processed or fast food contributes to vivid/weird dreams. Made the connection with nightmare and ramen noodles a while back, I am thinking the fact that I had a WhataChickn salad (don’t judge) made me have them. They weren’t nightmares, but very strange! I teleported to China, which my conscious mind has acknowledged for a while a desire to go to Asia, and not just for Puroland!  Food connecting with sleep kind of goes back to my holistic assertion regarding well being, but I would also add that the five things are all interconnected. Ugh, is it too late to get a BS, or perhaps MS, hell why not a PhD, in Nutrition? One of my advisers mentioned that going back for a degree is like having children, you don’t realize how bad it is until you are going through it. I cannot speak for the childbearing, but even trying to blog every day has been a challenge (a good one) so trying to focus that energy into thesis material and conforming to academic standards is not the most pleasurable of activities unless you are into that sort of thing.

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Day Two

What a bummer, most of the weight which as I had feared was mostly water is creeping back up on me. Yuck yuck yuck. 126 lbs read the scale, a far cry from the 110 that comes naturally at being 18, but you can’t live your life for 12 years ago. Pish posh, at the very least I want to get back under the 20’s.  One thing that was very striking to me this morning at my work’s breakfast was my boss’s remarks about weight loss. (Yes, I talk about it way more than I would like, obsession might be a word to use).  Anyway, his advice and he is lost 20 pounds, so I will take it, was to approach it holistically. This is so true, and with that I have noticed five themes that keep repeating in my research for becoming more fit and sexy, and these are: hydration, nutrition, sleep, stress reduction, and movement.

The big three, ahem, the ones that people can make the most money on are respectively movement, nutrition and stress reduction. Think gym memberships, gimmicky diets, and overpriced yoga classes. The other two sleep and water, well I guess there is money to be made in those with special beds and water filters. Regardless of how money is to be made on it, I just don’t have the money to spend and the journey I am taking is frugal, but I have the luxury of not having anything pressing like a wedding to lose my weight, just wanting to be able to eventually fit in my Skinny Pants, and of course that means getting skinny. Plain and simple, skinny. Oh, say “fit is the new skinny” all you want, but most chicks just want to be skinny and that is the truth. It may be a struggle and it may never happen, so I guess I will settle on being fit and sexy. Oh, wait, already sexy!

But, back to the health aspects of it. The thing about exercise problems, is that I can’t help feel a little bit cynical about any workout program that promises results without an extreme amount of exercise. We are talking fitness model dedication, not that this wouldn’t be an admirable goal, but I am not sure if I can achieve it. Fear of failure is the ultimate de-motivator, and perhaps that is what I am struggling to overcome. Regardless, I purchased a LivingSocial deal for CG Arena to see if getting in with a group exercise will help me with my asocial problems as well as helping me rid myself  of the breakfast taco belly acquired from living in Austin for five years.Because my apartment provides a shoebox gym, I do not have a real gym membership, and been working out with the BodyRock routines in my living room (sorry downstairs neighbors for the jumpy plyometric earthquakes).

Nutrition is such a challenging thing. It is all about balance. You don’t want to be a calorie depleted psychopath even though from my experience it really sheds the pounds, but the right way takes patience and dedication, and even then you are going to feel hungry. The best thing I have done this year is swear off buffets. Those things are a chronic dieter’s nightmare. It reminds me of the move “Spirited Away” where the parents turn into hogs stuffing their faces with food. It frankly disgusts me. Again, I am no model of a healthy lifestyle, just yet, but it is almost impossible to track what you eat in that quantity, despite my professed disgusted, I do miss a good Chinese buffet. Today’s lunch is going to be nonfat yogurt with three tablespoons of non-salted sliced almonds. Okay, a buffet sounds awesome right about now. Nutrition, girl, you and I need to get a better relationship.

More about water, sleep and stress reduction in the next post!