Beauty confessions

I don’t think I will be as skinny as Cat Marnell ever in time for Halloween, but I do like being tan. It really just is a good look for everyone, even a former goth such as myself. Hate to sound like a cliché, almost as much as I hate announcing that I am one, (okay Jenna Fischer from “The Office”), but that demand for attention with dressing in outlandish outfits plus wearing ridiculous makeup, well mostly, goes away with age. To really pull off “edgy” ugh how gross is that word?, you really have to be Betsey Johnson or some other amazing artist, zomg Daphne Guiness you are my shero. Not sure how I got off on that tangent, but yeah I have been researching self-tanning products, and I came across this video:

I use the lotions currently, and have to agree that they are not very good. They are a little bit delayed in the action of the color, so if you are not sure where you applied you will see it quite obviously the next day. So, I have a few beauty confessions to make that I hope you will not judge me for, and they aren’t really that bad.  The first one probably many women share, but maybe not. I abhor shaving my legs, it just seems so unnecessary especially if you aren’t wearing shorts, so I rarely do it, like I think I have gone almost a year without shaving them, seriously. The last long stretch of non-shaving I have gone was probably a month or two, and the only reason I shaved them yesterday was because I was bored on my day off and I didn’t want my tan to be uneven, even though it was regardless, boo.

The second beauty confession has to do with tanning and shaving as well. In the same vein of keeping my tan even on my gams, I feel like it should be even on my arms as well, so occasionally I will shave my arms so that the color will appear less muddled by my dark body hair, yes that blonde as you can tell by my eyebrows ain’t natural. Speaking of eyebrows, this is my third beauty confession. Oddly it also has to do with shaving. I noticed that guys will do this, and yes, why the fuck am I taking my grooming habits from dudes. Intrigued, yet? Anyway, plucking your eyebrows really is a bitch, and if you are just trying to get rid of the hair in the middle, I find it less time consuming and easier just to shave the middle to avoid looking like Frida Kahlo, hey if that is your thing though, go for it. So, yeah those are my embarrassing beauty rituals, how about y’all. Spill the beans!! What is something that you do for beauty or grooming that you would be embarrassed to admit?

So, in lieu of the gym, because I have decided that I can’t stand it at least for now. I go through those phases, it happens. I have been trying to make a habit, oh those tricky habits, to dance. Even came up with a fun playlist on Grooveshark to help me with the motivation, it is fun for the whole apartment complex!!

Yeah, anyway, perfect mix of aggressive beats and melodies. I am a superstar DJ but only in my mind, lulz.So, if you want to hear a real mix, listen to this one, been following this person for about 3 years, and finally saw him at SXSW in 2010:

So yeah, I will be dancing it up shortly, squatober is still kinda going on, I try to squat every day (screw you, under armor, are you going to steal that from my blog too, I CAME UP WITH MY SLOGAN FIRST) Okay, yes, weekend workout! It is fun to do, no jinksies, remember that TED talk, but I have been reading “Unlimited” by Jillian Michaels, don’t judge me either, it was from the library!! and it has been giving me ideas on how to better improve myself. I got pretty depressed last night, just thinking about how successful my friends from college are, and how really unsuccessful I am despite having like 3 degrees (not even exaggerating, I also have two minors, one in German and in Instructional Design). All that college has gotten me is 40k in debt, I don’t even make that in a YEAR, and some books that I am hoarding. Okay, so I have a pretty sweet portfolio, but it almost seems like I can’t move forward until I make some headway into my professional life and it almost seems like I am sabotaging myself. At any rate, I hope I figure out how to not be freaking broke all the time by age 35, here is to hoping!!

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Day Twenty-Eight

I have a confession to make. I occasionally look at thinspo. Yes, it is freaking horrible to my self-esteem, yes those pictures are probably of GIRLS who are 10-15 years younger than I am. It cascades into a flood of “if only”s and it further plunges me into depression, but I do it again and again. Giving up sugar has been wonderful for my body: I feel less sluggish and my skin looks brighter, but these images are basically mental sugar, it activates all the same reward centers in my brain, I guess in some weird aspirational way? Furthermore, let’s just go ahead and include the fitspo, because it is basically the same body fat percentage, but the latter just has a bit more muscle. There is a thinspo for every overly pointy joint connection in your body: hipbone, chest bones, shoulder blade. Yes, I have googled them all, but why?

Why do I torture myself like this? I am clearly never going to be an ectomorphic type naturally, and I love food too goddamned much to ever go full-on ana, but these images of perfect bodies doing ballet poses, or just high fashion black and white portraits of models makes me long  for a  svelter physique. I can’t help but wonder how many pounds I would have to shed.. 10… 15.. 20???? to get to the point where my upper arm is thinner than my elbow. How much suffering would I put myself through to finally be perfect, or would it just spiral into a full-blown eating disorder where even 90 pounds wouldn’t be good enough. It sounds awful, just from what I have read about anorexia and bulimia, but why in the world do I look at these images, then? Fittingly enough, I never went to that therapist’s appointment, maybe I am beyond help. Maybe, I don’t want help.

Still eating clean. Still going to yoga, not getting enough steps.

Day Four

Sweaty like Woah. Well, right now, clean from the shower, but man was I dripping this morning. If you have never tried it, give Bikram Yoga a shot. But, what about your low tolerance for such bullshit? Okay, most yoga does not do it for me in a sense of challenge and strength, but this class entitled “Fire 60” from Sunstone Yoga really pushed my limits. Even if it was just a placebo/sauna effect, it worked! Even though I would never give up my beloved coffee, in fact I had a “Mocha Lite” Grande Frappucino before the class, but starting to understand why people go on detoxes, now, even if it should just be called fasts.

Sleep was pretty awesome last night. Only woke up about a few times and had some wicked cool dreams about teleportation and time travel. On a semi-related note, does anyone get the sense that processed or fast food contributes to vivid/weird dreams. Made the connection with nightmare and ramen noodles a while back, I am thinking the fact that I had a WhataChickn salad (don’t judge) made me have them. They weren’t nightmares, but very strange! I teleported to China, which my conscious mind has acknowledged for a while a desire to go to Asia, and not just for Puroland!  Food connecting with sleep kind of goes back to my holistic assertion regarding well being, but I would also add that the five things are all interconnected. Ugh, is it too late to get a BS, or perhaps MS, hell why not a PhD, in Nutrition? One of my advisers mentioned that going back for a degree is like having children, you don’t realize how bad it is until you are going through it. I cannot speak for the childbearing, but even trying to blog every day has been a challenge (a good one) so trying to focus that energy into thesis material and conforming to academic standards is not the most pleasurable of activities unless you are into that sort of thing.

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