I’m losing focus

It is hard to write this because I feel like there are a lot of things that I want to do but some weird imaginary force keeps me back from them. In reality, there is no force, it is just me. I keep repeating to myself that things are going to be better in October, but are they really? There is an end of the month anxiety that I feel, maybe it is partly watching my bank account drain from the plethora of bills I am paying, or maybe it is just a disappointment of not having completed my goals from the month before and slowly watching my life dissolve in front of me. Fuck wrinkles, by the way.

Reorganizing my goals into categories helps but it really isn’t enough. I still have the desire to buy a new pink purse, or some other thing that I don’t really need in my life. It seems like it should be as simple as creating a flowchart with a basic question, “Does this action support or detract from reaching your goals?”..  With the obvious “support” -> do the action or “detract” -> don’t do the action, dummy! It should be that simple, shouldn’t it? I just wish that the desire to do to bad things wasn’t there.


Fucking autosave, I had all this stuff written down and now it is gone. Anyway, poached chicken = awesome and doesn’t cost me $400. Not technically, but yes, I ate sushi Friday, and since this is not yelp, not going to name names of this terrible place, but they had charged us $397.48, and let me tell you, it was good sushi but it wasn’t that good, and it was just a generally bad experience, and normally I would overlook something like this and just focus on the food, but Strike 1) the server made a snide comment about how quickly we ate. Strike 2, they made this terrible error, and then Strike 3, when we went into the place so they could cancel the transaction, they basically told us to GTFO in awkward English, sorry but it is true. I hate it when you cannot communicate dissatisfaction with someone because of that, you would think they would at least know that this was at terrible mistake and correct it, but there were a ton of people and it was a lot of pressure for us to leave. So, yes, those three things will definitely not make me come back there.

Because I have bitching a lot lately, I wanted to take a break and just express in reality, that though my student loan, credit card, and automobile loans might be almost unbearably high, last year at this time, I was living in a 300 square feet extended stay because of my bad credit and ended lease. Now, I am in a 1100 sqft place and have room to explore my passions such as dance, hooping and blasting tunes. I think there was more that I wanted to say, but I can’t remember it.


Whole 30, Day 19

This weekend has been pretty productive, and yes I was a bit lazy yesterday, and if by lazy you mean cleaning up the kitchen, cooking, meal planning, grocery shopping, kickboxing, and yoga, then yes I was a bit lazy for not posting. (oh and I caught an episode of Awkward on Hulu). Decided finally to get down to making this program work for me and not be so reliant on sugars even if from fruit to get through the day, and with the exception of the morning kombucha, I was pretty successful. Another thing which I forgot to post about was some food hacks I have learned through experimentation, and invention. I present to you some thing that I figured out to get iced coffee that is creamy without adding dairy. Hint, you buy this at the Vietnamese Grocery store, it is about $3. The reason why I say invention is that I noticed after I bought this that there was a sticker that said this product would need to be used by 3 days, and if you notice on the bottom, there is about 33 ounces of this.

Coconut Cream

Had to figure out some way to preserve this, naturally the freezer comes to mind so voila:

I have to give my bf credit for coming up with the idea of putting them into ice trays, but it was a very successfully executed experiment, more actions shots:

Not so sure what the calorie count is because the box did not have nutritional information, but according to MFP raw coconut cream is about 90 calories per tablespoon and that is high but not surprising since the coffee has a bit of an oil slick to it once the cubes have melted, kinda like an executive coffee vegan style.

So, one of the criticisms by the uninformed about the challenge is that it is an “Atkins apologist”. Now, this is kinda stupid. Yes, I have read stuff by Gary Taubes and others who promote eating mostly eggs, cheese, and lots of meat, and even tried it myself. It was not very pleasant for me, and needed some more carbs to make me not wanting to stab someone in the face with a fork. Now, I do agree with the carbohydrate curve, which according to MarksDailyApple.com is the notion to stay in the sweet spot of burning calories from fat and not sugar, you should stay under 100 grams of carbohydrate  and that is what I have been doing and what has really been working for me. 20 grams which is what Taubes recommends is pretty extreme and nearly impossible to eat any kind of vegetables, plus and I know this is TMI, it plugs you up like a damn stopper.  If you stay within the range of 50-100 grams, you can eat a lot more veggies and even a modest amount of fruits. I wanted to really show that my diet isn’t just a bunch of meat, in fact it mostly plant-based, but yes I have some yummy free-range and grass fed flesh to go with my greens:

Paleo grocery list

In their full glory, sorry for the bad lighting:

Eating this way certainly is more visually appealing as you can see. It really does go back to the old saying “You are what you eat”. My skin and hair look more vibrant and I feel less sluggish than when I ate a diet rich in Vitamin TC (taco cabana I will always hold a place in my heart for you) As I have really been addicted to movement lately, posting this and  trying to wrangle all of these pictures in WP has been a bit of a challenge and equalled more ass in the chair time, so I must get up and do something, perhaps this will be a double post day, but probably not, much to restless for that!

Day Fifteen

Still calibrating to the lack of sleep on Tuesday. It is amazing that I used to consistently live my life like this, in a constantly sleep deprived state. Today is day one. Armed to slay the “sugar dragon” as the authors would put it with my vegetables and protein, probably have a lot more fruit than I should but that is good sugar, not the crappy kind that comes in a packet, or worse chemically deprived. Very proud of myself for opting mostly with organic stuff when it came to berries. Also, the meat I selected was grass-fed and the chicken was labeled free range. Yes, the ethical naysayers would mention that this still means that the chickens would still have  their beaks seared and the cows would still be treated improperly, but I would like to think that the the chickens and cows are on a farm somewhere hanging out instead of trapped some dark metal cage living out their existence in their own feces. The bill came out to be around $81, and that included some shared meals such as breakfast and dinner, so really not bad at all in terms of cost. One of the more shocking things I realized is how much label reading you really have to do. My options for canned meat were limited because of the soy ingredients, and et tu taco seasoning? Yep, dextrose and starch. Anything with an -ose (with the obvious exception of fructose found in fruit) is going to be off-limits, so I am getting used to the idea of spending a lot more time in the grocery store, carefully inspecting the labels for sneaky ingredients.

Both of the pans this morning were dirty, so I had to settle for eating a bit of blackberries for breakfast. I am not happy at all about the black coffee situation. I know they said no substituting non-w30 food with approved foods, but this is not really a treat but a necessity. You wouldn’t like me when I am not-caffeinated. No, I don’t turn hot pink and smash cars, but it is pretty awful and bitchy when I don’t eat enough or have my coffee.  Signed up for the official Whole 30 worksheet,  and the task was focusing on three of the nine goals in the whole9 program, and because I am such an over-achiever, and without jinxing by telling you my goals, I focused on the nutritional, sleep, movement, and  stress relief components, so that really helped me in getting prepared. I know that in order for this to work, however, that I really am going to have to get more organized. I tried Monday night, but things went a bit haywire with the bf, but he seems to be on board with this challenge, and that is really important as they say to have that support from your family. Anyway, no interesting fitness news except the DOMS I have been experiencing, I guess that is a good thing? Hulk hungry!