I’m losing focus

It is hard to write this because I feel like there are a lot of things that I want to do but some weird imaginary force keeps me back from them. In reality, there is no force, it is just me. I keep repeating to myself that things are going to be better in October, but are they really? There is an end of the month anxiety that I feel, maybe it is partly watching my bank account drain from the plethora of bills I am paying, or maybe it is just a disappointment of not having completed my goals from the month before and slowly watching my life dissolve in front of me. Fuck wrinkles, by the way.

Reorganizing my goals into categories helps but it really isn’t enough. I still have the desire to buy a new pink purse, or some other thing that I don’t really need in my life. It seems like it should be as simple as creating a flowchart with a basic question, “Does this action support or detract from reaching your goals?”..  With the obvious “support” -> do the action or “detract” -> don’t do the action, dummy! It should be that simple, shouldn’t it? I just wish that the desire to do to bad things wasn’t there.

image

Fucking autosave, I had all this stuff written down and now it is gone. Anyway, poached chicken = awesome and doesn’t cost me $400. Not technically, but yes, I ate sushi Friday, and since this is not yelp, not going to name names of this terrible place, but they had charged us $397.48, and let me tell you, it was good sushi but it wasn’t that good, and it was just a generally bad experience, and normally I would overlook something like this and just focus on the food, but Strike 1) the server made a snide comment about how quickly we ate. Strike 2, they made this terrible error, and then Strike 3, when we went into the place so they could cancel the transaction, they basically told us to GTFO in awkward English, sorry but it is true. I hate it when you cannot communicate dissatisfaction with someone because of that, you would think they would at least know that this was at terrible mistake and correct it, but there were a ton of people and it was a lot of pressure for us to leave. So, yes, those three things will definitely not make me come back there.

Because I have bitching a lot lately, I wanted to take a break and just express in reality, that though my student loan, credit card, and automobile loans might be almost unbearably high, last year at this time, I was living in a 300 square feet extended stay because of my bad credit and ended lease. Now, I am in a 1100 sqft place and have room to explore my passions such as dance, hooping and blasting tunes. I think there was more that I wanted to say, but I can’t remember it.

Oh, September

This month, is just not starting out on the right foot. Spending a bit too much money on cab fares, restaurants, and bars has got me in a bit of a financial crunch, but at least most of my bills are paid for this month, so that is good. The holiday kinda threw me off, and I realize that is a piss poor excuse to let my intentions go to hell, but it is what happened. In August I had worked so hard in getting my diet/exercise plan on track and I really made some strides, but it seems like I have not really laid the tracks for this month to set up my success, and as the old adage goes, “failing to plan is planning to fail” I had planned on doing what I so cleverly coined “Squatember” which is doing the 6000 in 30 days squat plan, that I have heard about from my fb fitness friends. I would certainly be lucky if I could get to 3000 this month, easily 1000 if I did 40 a day starting today. Perhaps, “Squatober” instead and have a banging booty for Halloween slutty costumes? Maybe, just maybe. Last night’s grocery shopping  unintentionally Whole30 approved even though I am drinking dairy with my coffee now, it seems as if I don’t really want to buy bread products, and I am having fun making my own, even if that is discouraged, I am not really tempted to buy stuff like this:

However, my boyfriend bought us “Redneck Sushi” from Zen and it was so tasty! Seriously if you are in the Austin area and you want to go to a cheap place that has a fusion twist on Japanese and Tex-Mex, it is freaking awesome. It sounds like that wouldn’t work,  but it seriously does:

I don’t know how to take very good pictures on my phone, the lighting was much warmer, but I am not sure what the best ISO settings are to get a softer tone and, how to better angle the camera for a well composed shot. If I had any extra money, that is what I would spend it on is photography lessons (oh and a new camera, as I had sold my DSLR back when I didn’t know I wanted to be a food/fitness blogger)

By the way it is National Yoga Month, and in Austin, it was Free Day of Yoga on Labor day, which of course, I missed because I was stuffing my face full of nachos at the movie theater, and shortly after that I slept for 16 hours until I had to come to work yesterday. Living the dream. There may be some yoga events that I can attend, but since I already have my membership to Sunstone, I think it might be redundant unless I can take some classes on Tuesday and Thursday!  Not to sound like an old person, but it is too damn hot in this town for it being so close to fall. Even though it is a temptation to eat, drink, and be fatty, I cannot wait for the winter. Especially, for walking it will be much better than this:

Saturday, it should rain, but these triple digit temperatures are for the birds, kinda makes me wonder why I pay for hot yoga at all, when I could just do the asanas outside with the same sweaty effect.

Day Seven

Wow, it has been a week! Fantastic. The scale hasn’t really budged downward, but it hasn’t gone upward either, but becoming stronger and smaller even if the numbers on the scale don’t reflect that. Using the FitBit has already been really fun. 10,000 steps seems totally doable with the hourly walks I have already been doing at work. Becoming concerned that I am not doing enough strength training to complement the cardio and yoga. That has always been a weak spot for me. Cardio is just more fun, in my opinion. Even if it is spending an hour on the treadmill, I have my tunes to keep me company as the miles and minutes pass. Weight lifting just seems more of a chore, counting reps and lifting things. I really wish my attitude could change about this, but lifting weights will always be boring to me, I am afraid.

Body weight exercises seem to be the compromise for me. Not sure if you can consider burpees more cardio or strength, but as sick as it sounds, I actually enjoy those just because they are so awful and tiring.  Push-ups, squats, and lunges  are without a doubt some great resistance drills, too. For a while my focus was on chin-ups and pull-ups at home, just need to carve out that extra time to do it.  Again, there is that needing to versus wanting to, how do you become intrinsically motivated to do something that you really just don’t like that much?

So, been meaning to right about something that I really find helpful in any journey, fitness or not. For us ENTP‘s this is not always something we do. I love this resource.  It really comes down to just doing the things that need to be done to live a less chaotic existence. Procrastination is the enemy of organization, but also, when you have everything purged and cleared, it becomes a lot less overwhelming and easier to get down to business. Sometimes a focus is just necessary. Pardon my nerdiness, but there is a good reason why your English teachers expected you to write an outline in your papers. Have a point-by-point objective in writing, and in life with a to-do list,  just really helps you get things accomplished. For me, the applications on smartphones are great, but really the old pen and paper works best for me. It may just be a tactile concreteness that motivates me, but it is more effective, and despite the technology, more convenient.

Will have some more insights tomorrow, I hope. Stay sweaty!