Yoga, Tan, laundry

The good news is that I finally got my lazy ass to hot yoga, and if I really focus my efforts into going the rest of October, no days off, and even with one day off, I can still get the Svadisthana chakra recognition, by the time Halloween rolls around, so that I can celebrate with my orange bracelet. Oh, how such little things amuse me. Also some success came out of my practice serendipitously, I was not able to make it to the room early enough so I was not able to find a place close to the front or side mirror where I normally use so that I can see myself for poses. Well, it seems like that was actually a good thing as I felt like I was able to nail most of them, when I quit worrying about how I looked, and also I felt like I was less obsessed with the skinny young things in my weirdo imaginary thinspo competition that I have in my mind. I guess like the Glitch Mob song is entitled “Starve the ego, feed the soul”:

So, what is the bad news? Well, weekends are notoriously bad (even for all the other bloggers it seems) for food, just in terms of not wanting to stick to a diet, even though I baked asparagus, boiled and blended the sweet potatoes and even poached some chicken, when you sweat for an hour doing push-ups, sit-ups and leg lifts, you tend to get hungry like super hungry.  So, I succumbed to the Domino’s $7.99 pan pizza deal, oh my god, how fantastic this pizza was! Seriously, as James Norton has noted,  they have stepped up their game. I do feel like this pizza is analogous to how good fettuccine alfredo is, vis a vis something with that much butter, cheese and carbohydrates will never suck even if you are a terrible cook. Well, here are the sausage and mushroom calorie bombs (plural!!) in question:

So on a little less horribly unhealthy not, I tried eating something light on Friday night, and I always have a challenge with the Eggvacado oven dish, so I tried whisking the egg, only used a single one this time,  a bit before pouring the mixture into the avocado shell. It turned out pretty well, however a small amount of the egg spilled out on the pan as it always does when trying to balance these halves on the pan. I need some sort of ramekin to snugly hold the halves into place while the eggy-TexMex goodness gets formed. Another good idea would be probably to do sort of like a deviled-avocado mixture like with eggs but have it encased in the skin, not sure how that would be executed, but it certainly sounds good to me.

So, squatober hasn’t really been panning out how I would like, it seems like after the Whole 30, all of my dietary and fitness goals kinda fell through with them. All of my habits dissolved. I tell you one thing that really derails me is going out to drink, not that I do that very often anymore, but even just occasionally it seems that the apartment gets messy because I am too tired to clean, and I become regretful because I spent too much money furthering the cycle of depression, and I just have a general fog about me. Invention idea: some sort of drunk preparation kit, e.g.: cash for drinks so that you know how much to spend, a good hour of cleaning beforehand so that you aren’t stuck with chores in a neurochemically depleted state (hey they don’t call it “wet brain” for nothing),  and perhaps food prepared in advanced with b-vitamin and 5htp supplementation, the former to prevent thiamine deficiency and the later for any serotonin correction you need. So glad, my psychology degree has helped me in some fashion, hyuck hyuck.

I haven’t really had the kind of money to drink, so at least there is that keeping me on the straight and narrow, probably would just be better to be a bit of teetotaler for a while, at least for my wallet’s sake, if nothing else.

Squatober, bitches!

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Mixed it up a little and decided to poach fish instead of chicken last night, and danced danced danced to some trance music including Antiloop and Mubali (name dropping time: the latter is actually a friend of mine from my psy-trance raving days, good times.  So, I am not sure what is going on with me, but I cannot go to bed before 11 and thus cannot get up before 7 to actually make it into my class, and it really bothers me. Something stupid keeps happening like waking up at 4:30 in the morning, so I will end up going back to sleep but be too exhausted to actually make it awake, and I don’t want to sacrifice something as essential as sleep, so no go on the hot yoga this morning, yet again. Man, I am getting sick of typing that, well there is a simple solution for that.

Small successes though, as mentioned, I did get about 45 minutes of dancing done last night, and I have completed two of the eight rounds of 25 per day for my 6000 squats in 30 day challenge. I have to say it is almost not enough of a challenge, even making full squats with just body weight. I hope it is enough to actually get some physical change in my posterior. Fitspo is great inspiration, but admittedly I was skeptical that the ones that have perfectly round asses with a pithy caption such as “squats” really meant that the chick in question did squats, but rather it was a genetic blessing that gave her such a bountiful booty, so I am going to conduct my own experiment and see if doing 6000 squats in one month will give me the results I need, and it really isn’t just squats either. Hopefully, there will be some insanity, some dancing, some hooping, and some weight lifting incorporated. Those are my goals anyway. I probably won’t hit the 110 mark by November, but maybe by 11/11, sucks that I couldn’t hit 111 by 11/11/11 but I didn’t even have access to an oven at that time!

I am not even concerned that doing so many different things at the same time will confound the results of my experiment. I get too bored with one thing, I may not be consistent with one thing, but as long as I am somewhat consistent with a bunch of different things, it will show similar results if I stay active. Plus, muscle confusion, brah! hah, anyway, have not been doing the Whole 30 as anticipated, for one, the cheaper broth for the poached fish had sugar as one of its ingredients. For two, I kinda like the hot cocoa keurig cups in the office plus I do actually like creamer in my coffee and I gave it up for a month, didn’t see that much harm in my digestive system when I added it back to my diet.  Yeah, sure I gained 7 pounds in September (but most of that was due to the sodium from this past weekends Chinese delivery) okay, I can’t blame that on going off paleo, I can, however blame that on just completely falling off the wagon diet-wise, mmmm  Torchy’s Tacos but even labeling certain foods as verboten is a bit silly, unless you are diagnosed with gluten intolerance. If you do have a legitimate condition such as Celiac, just from reading about this disease, even a bit of gluten will make you have digestive woes. However, my gut is just fine and really I think that the 80/20 might be applicable when it comes to clean eating. I have heard that one before but it always felt like either I wanted to starve myself or binge, maybe I do have a bit of an eating disorder.

Alas, I must get back to my day job, as much as I would like to pontificate about fitness and healthy eating, it is time for me to depart. Stay sweaty, mothertruckers.

Sleeping with the Television on

Apparently it is terrible for you, and yesterday I really felt the exhaustion after breakfast. I had just thought it was from eating a humongous breakfast. Nopalitos are quickly becoming my favorite Mexican dish, and I quickly polished those delightful items with potatoes, beans and tortillas. So yesterday was a bit of an adventure, as mentioned, my fatigue was more than normal, so in walking back to the office, my phone fell out of my purse and I had no idea, because I like to walk around with an 8-10 pound purse. No joke, the seat-belt signal flashes on when my purse is sitting on the passenger side! So playing frogger to the other side of the street in sprinting and repeating this process may just be a bit of exercise I need to maintain this weight, considering I am carrying my “kettle purse” along the while. The food choices have been rather poor as well. I wish I was exaggerating when I say that I have had ice cream for most of this week, but I am not! And finally, the Whataburger was reopen so I could indulge in my favorite sandwich, the blessed and holy Chop House Cheddar  and before you think of me a total pig, I skipped on the fries and soda.

My finger got stubbed too, as I was getting up from the bed, my bf predictably tried to slap my bottom. Because it is so predictable, I put my hand out to block him, well, I guess my index finger was sticking out and took the brunt of the impact intended for my booty and perhaps jammed it. It still hurts and looks like a sausage this morning and I hope it heals properly because my pinky had gotten jammed last year and now is permanently crooked. I am not mad at him because it is something stupid that he always does and it was just an accident, but I got mad when he said that I shouldn’t have put my finger there. Hopefully the swelling will go down today and it won’t hurt to type!!

So sleepy, this is a valuable lesson for me to use the sleep timer instead of just having the television on all night. Good thing I have an extra 5-hour energy to chug for noon. Today’s musical alphabet is a bittersweet one considering I could go see this DJ for free in Dallas, key words, Dallas. Yes, the three hours it would take me to drive up there plus the hotel accommodations, plus whatever drinks because I assume this isn’t an open-bar affair. My dwindling budget will not allow for this, but hey at least I won’t be starving all day because I am hungry and have negative money in the bank  in the beginning of October like I did this month. I know that is terribly sad, but it is what happened, partly my fault, not gonna lie.  So, I am determined to make next month different, and also to support my goals of saving money, I am opting out of driving to this party. There is even a free party tomorrow that I am iffy on, now that I have said that I am not going, watch me go, lol.

I am not sweating every day, like the title says I should, need some fitspo stat!  It doesn’t help. It never does, if anything it probably raises my cortisol level just making me fatter, so to relieve my stress level without emptying my pocketbook here is John Digweed instead. The grooveshark widget for playlist is a fail, btw:

On the road to the second Whole30

Lack of inspiration, not so much that I have nothing to say, just more that I feel like a hypocrite. Oh sure, I will start out with healthy intentions and eat stuff like this, very delightful dish of “breaded” chicken (almond meal and coconut flour) with sauteed broccoli and sweet potatoes:

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However, those intentions will quickly dissolve and I will be eating stuff like this:

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This was the Philly Cheese Steak served with garlic and parmasean tater tots. The tots themselves were nothing to write home about but the fact that they added garlic and cheese to them really made it a nice touch. I wouldn’t say it was the best cheesesteak I have had in Austin, my personal favorite is Texadelphia, but whatever, cheesteak is like pizza. You really cannot screw up the unholy trinity of fats, carbs and meat.  So obviously, my reintroduction phase hasn’t exactly been gradual, more like ramming whatever tastey goodness I can find down my gullet. Jeeze Louise, I am getting hungry just thinking about the feasting last night. Amazingly, I have stayed under 120 pounds, despite my efforts to sabotage myself, oh please I act like I did not bike on the stationery 15 miles yesterday morning. Bla bla bla, you can’t out-exercise a shit diet, but considering I only have one or two really crappy meals, I’m doing okay.

Just okay. I am trying internally to fixate my intentions into actions. Not comfortable with discussing them, because I think that is a sabotage. Oh and there is this, but in terms of blogging, does that count as saying them. There is also the saying, “Ink it, don’t think it” that I have heard in terms of goal setting and achievement. I do see a lot of people that I am following declare their intentions, but for me it seems a bit like saying them, so I get scared. Ugh, deja vu, like woah. Yes, it feels like I have talked about this before, so maybe I will shut up and try to focus more on what I can add to this thing that will make people actually want to read it. Seriously, my stats have been horrible lately! I know this endeavor is mainly just for me, because writing is fun and it is something I don’t get paid for, but if this were a job, not sure if I would still have it based on the website traffic. Let’s be honest, how many people actually keep a private blog, I would assume very little. The whole point of this is to create and captivate an audience, right? Or is this just my own narcissism and histrionics? Perhaps, my content isn’t that interesting to anyone but me, and that is sorta okay, too, but I would like to think if I am putting effort into something, that other people would want to pay attention.

It is hard to say for sure how to become successful at something without trying to piggyback from celebrity or resort to sex appeal. Oh, it is certainly tempting, but I am not sure my cellulite dimpled ass is something anyone wants to see. Speaking of cellulite. It really sucks, and it terrible looking. I have read more articles than I care to admit about the subject, but tried very little mainly because of the wikipiedia article that states that this phenomenon is something that has never really been “cured”. What say you audience? Have you ever been able to improve your cellulite? What was the most successful treatment?  Isn’t cellulite the worst?

In terms of setting goals, have you been more successful blogging about them or just “shutting up” and letting your progress speak for itself?

Day Twenty-Eight

I have a confession to make. I occasionally look at thinspo. Yes, it is freaking horrible to my self-esteem, yes those pictures are probably of GIRLS who are 10-15 years younger than I am. It cascades into a flood of “if only”s and it further plunges me into depression, but I do it again and again. Giving up sugar has been wonderful for my body: I feel less sluggish and my skin looks brighter, but these images are basically mental sugar, it activates all the same reward centers in my brain, I guess in some weird aspirational way? Furthermore, let’s just go ahead and include the fitspo, because it is basically the same body fat percentage, but the latter just has a bit more muscle. There is a thinspo for every overly pointy joint connection in your body: hipbone, chest bones, shoulder blade. Yes, I have googled them all, but why?

Why do I torture myself like this? I am clearly never going to be an ectomorphic type naturally, and I love food too goddamned much to ever go full-on ana, but these images of perfect bodies doing ballet poses, or just high fashion black and white portraits of models makes me long  for a  svelter physique. I can’t help but wonder how many pounds I would have to shed.. 10… 15.. 20???? to get to the point where my upper arm is thinner than my elbow. How much suffering would I put myself through to finally be perfect, or would it just spiral into a full-blown eating disorder where even 90 pounds wouldn’t be good enough. It sounds awful, just from what I have read about anorexia and bulimia, but why in the world do I look at these images, then? Fittingly enough, I never went to that therapist’s appointment, maybe I am beyond help. Maybe, I don’t want help.

Still eating clean. Still going to yoga, not getting enough steps.

Day Seventeen

Just gobbled a bunch of berries for breakfast. Day numero trois for the whole 30. Today, unlike yesterday was good for stress relief because I did make it after a 3 day break to yoga for the Metal (\m/) 60 class. Walking, walking walking to please my fitbit, but also snuck in some elliptical (it is all the same to its motion sensor). Would have done “Hot Cycle” but was a little bit too sweaty, so it was embarrassing , if you know what I mean. Still need to put in more strength training, as that always gets neglected, probably because I like to zone out and read articles/listen to music and you really can’t do that when you are pumping iron. Get it right, Lever.

Yesterday’s breakfast was easier than I thought it was going to be, given that it was at a local Mexican restaurant, but I managed to stay whole30 compliant by ordering the fajita omelet sans cheese, ranchero sauce on the side, and opting out of the tortillas, beans and potatoes that normally accompanies the dish. Still, I ate lots and lots of fruit, which probably means I am not becoming insulin adapted as the intention of the program is. It is all “good” sugar, though, and I move the equivalent of 5 miles everyday, maybe Melissa and Dallas would disagree, but I think I am counterbalancing the sugar with movement.  Speaking of sugars, namely the artificial ones, it is getting a lot easier to avoid the diet coke, and my beloved coffee is becoming easier to chug without diluting it with ice/cream/sweetener.  Overall, I say day two, despite the extra fruit was a success, and I have been eating a lot prettier to boot:

That was lunch: mashed avocados, strawberries, blueberries, and canned tuna. The tuna could have used some more seasoning, but overall a healthy and satisfying lunch. Ever battling the stress monsters, they seem to become less apparent when I bring order into my life. I do believe, again, that there is a certain harmonious atmosphere that order creates. Routine for me, is a bit blissful in that it creates a certain that limits the anxiety of having tasks/projects looming over you, also it brings about a sense of accomplishment even just completing certain tasks like straightening up. Maybe it is all in my head, but it certainly feels better to “take care of business” as it were.

Let me here your body talk, your body talk. If I haven’t mentioned this already, I had to hide my scale in the closet because I would weigh myself multiple times a day, and the Whole30 forbids that. Don’t know if the program is making me lose weight or not, but I definitely thing my stomach is looking more toned.  Struggling through my own insecurities in yoga this morning. This is super silly, but I get really self-conscious about going to the class with all of these skinnier chicks. I am no Moby Dick, but even the teacher today was rather svelte and I felt like a giant Pear in comparison.  Hips, for crying out loud, what the hell is wrong with hips??? Could just be the caffeine on an empty stomach giving me strange fixations, but now that I am not in the room focused on looking at these other chicks, quick where is the tumblr thinspo??,  I feel a bit better. As obnoxious as I am sounding right now, I’d like to have a smaller trunk, hopefully I will be nice and tiny like a dancer at the end of this program.