Day Twenty

Mad at myself. Not really for slipping up on the program, but I don’t think I am really honoring the spirit of the plan. In “It Starts With Food”, the Hartwigs mention that one of the goals of this program is having a healthy relationship with food. What I have is a dangerous dance into disordered eating at times. I thought the routine of work would be my sanctuary for sticking to the plan, but it turns out one sweet potato for the whole day is not going to be enough food to last. Thankfully, my boyfriend came to the rescue with an avocado so that I could make it through the last couple of hours until I came home. I really just wanted to smoke a cigarette just so that it would suppress my appetite a little and not have to eat, but how the fuck is that healthy?

Spin class today would have been disastrous, I think. I already had a bad case of the “I don’t wanna”s this morning pre-yoga, and I wasn’t feeling so blissed out in my practice when I was seeing little stars appear in my vision while in triangle pose. Not cool, not cool at all. Having eaten dinner (broccoli, chicken, onions, cilantro and spices marinated with coconut oil) I am pretty content right now, and way under my caloric recommendation for the day, so again that theme of failing to make the right connections. For me though, it is about sticking to the plan no matter what. I could have broken down and eaten some of the almonds, but I knew they were cooked in peanut oil, so that made them incompatible, or worse I could have had my formerly daily spike in insulin with my afternoon diet coke, but that would be not honest to my body. These are not good things to consume, and admittedly there might be some righteousness in restricting myself so harshly to rather go hungry than feed myself with “unclean” food. I don’t know, where is the real virtue of fasting, if it has no religious purpose. Is dieting my religion now. Bow down to the gods of Paleo eating, you’re going to get what you deserve. Ha, I am stupid.

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Day Six

Oh so exhausted, and it is barely 9:30. Who has two thumbs and worked out twice today? This gal! Feeling really accomplished from getting up at 6:30 am this morning and then getting my cycle on in spin class. The most effective way to do something is really just to do it. Writing about what you plan to do is no good, and psychology affirms this. Wish I had more things to say. Need to put a point by point outline. Organization. RaRaRa.. Fitness! Just real tired, *yawn*.

The FitBit arrived and pretty excited to use that. 10 floors of steps seems like a lofty goal, but it would be achievable for restroom breaks and the ridiculous amount of water I have been drinking lately, but probably sweated out a least a liter this morning and evening. Oh, the 5:15 wake up will be awful tomorrow, but if I make it to the bed by 10:30 tonight, will get a good 7 hours of sleep. Not sure about other people, but it seems like I only need about that much lately, even with achieving beast mode status at the gym.

I really can’t say enough good things about the classes I have been taking. Super motivating and super challenging, but I don’t think I am over-training. Emergen-C has really been a life-saver after the workouts and only has about 30 calories, which makes it a lot smarter to have as opposed to the typical sports drink which is comparable to a damn soda. No diet sodas for me today, btw. Another small victory, but still a long way to go.

So, really going to get more experience using the FitBit before giving a thorough evaluation from my oh so authoritative position. It’s funny because it isn’t true!