Raining bad times.

The thundering weather in Austin sets up a good metaphor for the bullshit that has been happening to me lately. So, as much as I wanted to, the mini-vacay was just not in the cards because of some unforeseen medical bills, so that sucked. On top of that, my phone decided to be an ass and stop working, my hope is that it is just the battery and that I can get it replaced soon. So the consequences of that have been that I have had to put my GymPact on hold, because there has been no way of checking in via RunKeeper or through the GPS. Sucks, I really liked having that accountability. In general, I have been pretty depressed, too. I have to have hope that this is the end of bad things and better things will start happening, but then again it has been a long stretch of bad. 

Weight has been pretty stable at 126-127, but then again I have been eating mostly beans, veggies, and rice (I was able to basically feed two people for like 5 days on $15, crazy huh?) I know like weight loss, life has a way of working out, if you make the right choices, but being stressed out all the times certainly doesn’t create the right environment to make those. I made it 15 days smoke free, and this past Saturday I relented “socially” to indulge in those awful things. The cognitive dissonance doesn’t work on me, I know they are terrible, fatal, and it is not likely that science will help me grow a new lung. Yet, give me a mint julep (my way of celebrating the Kentucky Derby) and a bloody Mary and those concerns just melt away. Pathetic. Stop doing stupid shit, Lauren. Self-destruction isn’t cute anymore. Ugh, can someone cheer me up, please.

 

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Lemon water & avocado mayonaise

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This looks so much more appetizing than apple pie, right?

Like my carbohydrate vices, the promise of a new year brings with it the false hope that I will miraculously change my habitually poor lifestyle choices and become a beacon of health and wellness. Right. Part of me hopes that I get a little bit sick, just to shed 5 pounds that I effortlessly put on with the help of Cinnabon and tex-mex cuisine, but that typically is weight that gets regained. Oh, there are a few hacks I have been employing to get back down to post-Whole 30, and one of them is the wonderfully fantastic diuretic inducing lemon water!

You could say that I am on a detox of sorts, but not really because we all know that even if you starve yourself for a week, like getting sick, it just is going to creep up on you with a vengeance. I hate to be one of those chicks who obsesses about the number on the scale, but if I don’t I feel like I easily gain 5-10 pounds without even trying. Speaking of gaining or losing weight, my new goal as insane as it may sound is to get rid of 20 pounds. 127 at 64″ is simply unacceptable as stereotypically girl as that sounds. “oh I am so fat” when it is obvious I am at a normal BMI. In model terms, I am still a whale, but you would have to put me on a medieval torture rack to get me close to model terms. I have never been under 110 (at least not since I was 10) It is what I would like to call “dancer weight”. It is about to be festival season, and one of my bucket list items is to hoop or at least gogo at a huge festival. I sorta did this at 2009’s Spring Love, Future Fest, Mega Buzz in Austin (shouts to my central Texas ravers) but those aren’t really huge like the Insomniac shows, and y’all know I would love to meet Paris Hilton. But, I digress, yeah 107 might be totally turn me into “Black Swan” but it would be interesting to see how thin I could get without being full-on anorexic.

If my mind and body won’t sabotage me from working out. This morning, I had a meeting scheduled for 9:00 am (they cancelled and that is why I am writing this) so I knew I was going to need to be getting up early so supposedly I had set my alarm for 6:15. Well, it probably would have not mattered anyway that it didn’t go off until the previously set time of 7:50 because I was tossing and turning and suffering in pain. Not to go into details but if I drink too much dairy or have too many animal products, maybe it is gluten, but I am not so sure about it, but it can really affect my pelvic area. The stuff I was prescribed to treat it, makes me a crying, bloated wreck, and I worry about blood clots from it. Alternatively, I could get some kind of lacroscopic procedure, but that is totally expensive and not guaranteed to work either, so merry endometriosis. If it gets any worse, I may have no choice but to do something invasive. If it is only a few nights a month of discomfort, however, there are probably worse things in this world.

Well, now that I have totally lost the audience, I did discover a new way of adding creaminess to a sandwich while not adding too much fat plus adding some essential fatty acids. Also, the sandwich made use of some non traditional ingredients such as stir-fry carrots and broccoli, and purple cabbage for the lettuce. Totally spontaneous creative food endeavor, but fantastic and delicious:

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As far as movement, my second try into running a 5k, my philosophy will be “slow and steady”, so even though I am tempted to just start running. I am going to stick with the program and just start as scheduled the second week of the c25k program.  Hopefully my requirement to eating more calories will not sabotage my desire to get to my skinny minnie fitspo/thinspo dreams. We will see.

Et tu, Tilapia?

Okay, so Julius Cesar is not my favorite play, just to clear that up! So, in addition to the Weight Watchers, I added some frozen Tilapia paties, because I thought they would add some healthy omega-3’s into my meal. It turns out that the opposite is true, and they are high in Omega-6’s, which I hear aren’t so great. Yippee… I couldn’t take a good picture of it with the lighting available, not sure why the browns and the oranges of my gorgeous frozen and reheated potatoes did not pop for the cameraphone. Not sure if it is the camera or the photographer, but this was the best I could get even with some working in Fireworks.

So there’s that.Of course, in trying to do any research in regards to Omega 6’s versus Omega 3’s, it can cause a bit of nutritional nausea (like that? I just made it up) Nutritional nausea is what happens when you become a bit obsessed with macro versus micro, glyemic load, omega 3:6 rations, carbohyrdate counting, or any of those things that people on a diet tend to consume, pardon the pun. It becomes its own stressful center of gravity, probably causing more cortisol, and oh shit, don’t want to raise those levels, am i right? I know way to much about this stuff for my own good. It becomes a bit of an addiction to find as much information as possible as a subject, but unfortunately this doesn’t make me an expert until I can put it into practice.

Lately I have been concerned with my sitting behaviors. With new news such as this,  it really scares me about how unhealthy my naturally sedentary life is. You know, besides the fact that I fucking smoke, idiot. Hey, quit talking that way to my friend Lauren. Anyway, conversations to myself aside, making healthy choices is imperative if you want any chance of losing weight or just living a better life. Seems like healthier people are happier, right? This stress needs to end, but it seems to be directly related to making better choices and the consquences that occur from the better choices. For example if money is a leading source of stress in your life, maybe not buy silly things such as fast food, yes, read my last entry, and budget for the bills that you will need to pay, or do something like consolidate your loans. Actually, I have considered moving out of Austin and teaching in a high-demand area for loan forgiveness. Even though living in one of those areas may be undesirable, the cost of living would probably be a lot less and my loans would be somewhat forgiven, of course that only costs 3 years of my life, so it is a give and take, I guess.

Well I hope anyone who reads this is making a healthy choice, last nights hot dog and macaroni “delight” was not very good (probably about 1000 calories just for the meal!!) but it sure was tasty and like $2, again, give and take.

Day Fourteen

Bittersweet victory.  120 pounds and some change, however that doesn’t change the fact that I had four hours of sleep last night, smoked a cigarette, drank a “Toffee” monster coffee drink, and now finishing it off with a diet coke. Hey, if you are going to backslide, really get into it. Okay, so it is not like I am going full-tilt Sex Pistols with my vices, but for someone who is trying to write a health and fitness blog, it is pretty shitty.  Not to divulge too much personal information, if you had the night I did, you probably would be feeling rather bad as well. I really need to detox negativity in my life. You just can’t make people change, unless they want to. Why can’t I just learn this lesson already?

Taking a break from any strenuous cardio or hot yoga today, not really because I want to but because I need to. The lack of sleep is making me irritable, anxious and depressed. Three for the price of one! I don’t really have any religious leanings, but it would not be a terrible thing if you prayed for me or at least sent me some positive thoughts as I am having a really hard time with things. Yours in tears.

Day Twelve

Yesterday, fueled by sugar-free Red Bull (ironically something I would have to give up on this program), I finished ISWF, and I have to say, this book is amazing. The Hartwigs really give you all the evidence and motivation to get started on your inflammation free journey with diet. It really isn’t junk science either, as something like an alkaline diet is. It is actual research based information, and they have cited their sources. (about 15 pages in 8 point font!). A huge plus in this read is that it really lays out all the information for you to make your own decision about if you want to continue to be at risk for diabetes and other chronic ailments or if you want to try an elimination diet for a month just to see what the effects are. It is one of those “what do you have to lose?” situations.

The Whole30 plan is very easy to follow. For one month, eliminate the following: gluten, grain, legumes, dairy, sugar/sweeteners, alcohol and tobacco. It is as they mentioned the training wheels to making a lifestyle change, so that ultimately you can have a healthier relationship (ie: less cravings and binging). One of their grey asides was that if you are struggling with quitting tobacco that it may be easier to focus on this before trying to take on this challenge. Since I only smoke when I drink am a social smoker, this shouldn’t be a problem for me, however for my bf I would only make the deal with him that he does the smoking part since his is more habitual. The plan seems quite empowering because it also mentions that you really do not have to eat what you do not want to. Occasionally, I will get tempted by my SO to just have “one bite” of something that I know is not really good for me, I feel like I have been given the okay to be a little less polite and a little bit more selfish, but in a good way.

Because I am an over-achiever, hah!, I went ahead and read the parts about integrating this system in your daily life. The grey side-bar “That ain’t special” towards the end of the book really resonated with me as well. Most of us will encounter a situation where well-intentioned co-workers will bring yummy breakfast items into the office such as doughnuts or breakfast tacos. While those are rather thoughtful, they can be detrimental for anyone who is trying to eat clean. The authors remind us that these little treats which, in my case, can be weekly are not really great and that you should not be tempted by something that really isn’t worth it. For the W30 program, that is going to be especially helpful to remember. Just say no! But, enough with the negative, the centerfold of delicious food in the middle of the book has already enticed me to start making paleo-friendly meals:

I guess I would like more from the authors in their views of exercise, perhaps an addendum entitled “…and then you move around”, you know just to get their researched based opinions on exercise and what is best, but if I had to wager, I would say that they are a lot like Mark Sisson’s views on “Chronic Cardio” which would be a-okay with me as I prefer yoga over running any day, with the occasional spin class thrown in. Overall, I would highly recommend this read, and I will be reporting with daily results of my own personal experiment.