Okay, yes it is already 12/21/12 in Australia, but let me have my fun. Hell, my wardrobe is kinda already based on this (well in my dreams) but yeah, in keeping with the theme of gratitude, I did receive some nice information in my inbox yesterday from a satisfied customer [why oh why does that sound way more dirtier to me than it needs to be]. PS: is this mix I am listening to really playing the Bladesoundtrack, really BLADE? I know there were vampires in that movie, but come on that ish was played out even when I was going to raves in Mississippi about a decade ago. Some how that just sounds way more uncool that it needs to be, but.. oh yeah customer support, so here it is:
That’s me!!
Hell yeah, right? Anyway, I am really tempted to bust open the pocket sized Maple Syrup Crown Royal our sales manager gave to us for xmas, but technically I am still on the clock, and I guess being hopped up on ridiculous amounts of sugar from the cookies is preferable than being happily buzzed (it really is a small amount). But anwyway, grateful for the happy comments that customers leave for me. My company treats me pretty well, I do have to say. Every week we get a free breakfast to discuss ways to make the company better. Also, the benefits are pretty good, so I am grateful for that as well. But to the more trendy of topics, I am thankful for the fucking apocalypse (KIDDING!) well maybe not great for a laugh, btw. Anyway, here are some tunes if you really want to go all doomsday in your tunesday:
Anyway, this is the music I am listening to when I am sweetly resolving your technical issues, hah! Anyway, I just thought I would capitalize on this end of the world business. It would be cool if the aliens did come and visit us, but seems unlikely, or the existence of Jersey Shore diminishes their potential interest. I can’t say that I blame them.
Besides making you have have atomic gas the next day, just eating cabbage for dinner is a great little meal that depending on what you use to boil it with happens to be primal and vegan! Unfortunately, I only had the margarine, so the “inferior” oils won for that round, but I bet it would be good with coconut or olive oil. The only issue is that it doesn’t really stick with you through the evening, so adding a protein such as boiled eggs (Yes, I actually feel sorry for my coworkers today… girl you nastay!) Also, some grapefruit as a dessert beats the heck out of the post-dinner gas station cupcakes/zingers that I was starting to make an unhealthy habit of consuming.
Been a bit bad when it comes to early morning food, too. Because I feel a bit calorically taken hostage by the Starbuck’s Double Shot Energy drinks at 200 calories a can, I tend to not eat much of anything during the rest of the day. This of course, makes me super hungry at night, and then likely to binge on something really gross and not at all fitspiring.
Speaking of working out, I have my trackpants on, just because I don’t know what professionalism is, and I want to go to the gym straight after work, at least I opted for the t-shirt and sports’ bra in the purse, so I maintain some workplace appropriateness. Anywho, was dancing last night, and for whatever reason, I had one of my favorite EDM albums on, and yet still my moves were not really that great. I guess because the dream is dying for me of ever being on stage in a dance capacity again. Hell, it was probably dead 2 years ago, but I had some dream of doing it again. I would like to DJ again, if I actually knew how to (college radio doesn’t count), but I don’t know how to beatmatch, and it seems silly to take lessons with 18 year olds. Even if I will never perform again, never say never Justin Beiber, it shouldn’t stop me from enjoying the movement of dance, but somehow my histrionic tendencies know that I will never get the attention I so desperately crave. I am 31. I should really get over that shit. I think I just need a bigger space to hoop in. I think I can enjoy that and maybe one day, I will get to be as good as Neon Emu, a local hoopdancing star. She really is awesome. I have to give her props for her energy and integration of tricks into dancing:
I need to find a practice space big enough, as I can do some of those tricks, but the isolation stuff with the horizontal plane is something I have never been good at. Excuses, excuses. The nagging insecurity of everything being too late for me, or being a copycat, or being embarrassing to myself, just ultimately leads to most of my depression. Wish there was a pill to take that made you fearless. Hey girl, try not to have such a bad day today. I know it is all cloudy and raining, but things could be so much worse. Let’s not get too out of hand, here.
Just in case you don’t get the title reference, here you go:
I don’t think I will be as skinny as Cat Marnell ever in time for Halloween, but I do like being tan. It really just is a good look for everyone, even a former goth such as myself. Hate to sound like a cliché, almost as much as I hate announcing that I am one, (okay Jenna Fischer from “The Office”), but that demand for attention with dressing in outlandish outfits plus wearing ridiculous makeup, well mostly, goes away with age. To really pull off “edgy” ugh how gross is that word?, you really have to be Betsey Johnson or some other amazing artist, zomg Daphne Guiness you are my shero. Not sure how I got off on that tangent, but yeah I have been researching self-tanning products, and I came across this video:
I use the lotions currently, and have to agree that they are not very good. They are a little bit delayed in the action of the color, so if you are not sure where you applied you will see it quite obviously the next day. So, I have a few beauty confessions to make that I hope you will not judge me for, and they aren’t really that bad. The first one probably many women share, but maybe not. I abhor shaving my legs, it just seems so unnecessary especially if you aren’t wearing shorts, so I rarely do it, like I think I have gone almost a year without shaving them, seriously. The last long stretch of non-shaving I have gone was probably a month or two, and the only reason I shaved them yesterday was because I was bored on my day off and I didn’t want my tan to be uneven, even though it was regardless, boo.
The second beauty confession has to do with tanning and shaving as well. In the same vein of keeping my tan even on my gams, I feel like it should be even on my arms as well, so occasionally I will shave my arms so that the color will appear less muddled by my dark body hair, yes that blonde as you can tell by my eyebrows ain’t natural. Speaking of eyebrows, this is my third beauty confession. Oddly it also has to do with shaving. I noticed that guys will do this, and yes, why the fuck am I taking my grooming habits from dudes. Intrigued, yet? Anyway, plucking your eyebrows really is a bitch, and if you are just trying to get rid of the hair in the middle, I find it less time consuming and easier just to shave the middle to avoid looking like Frida Kahlo, hey if that is your thing though, go for it. So, yeah those are my embarrassing beauty rituals, how about y’all. Spill the beans!! What is something that you do for beauty or grooming that you would be embarrassed to admit?
So, in lieu of the gym, because I have decided that I can’t stand it at least for now. I go through those phases, it happens. I have been trying to make a habit, oh those tricky habits, to dance. Even came up with a fun playlist on Grooveshark to help me with the motivation, it is fun for the whole apartment complex!!
Yeah, anyway, perfect mix of aggressive beats and melodies. I am a superstar DJ but only in my mind, lulz.So, if you want to hear a real mix, listen to this one, been following this person for about 3 years, and finally saw him at SXSW in 2010:
So yeah, I will be dancing it up shortly, squatober is still kinda going on, I try to squat every day (screw you, under armor, are you going to steal that from my blog too, I CAME UP WITH MY SLOGAN FIRST) Okay, yes, weekend workout! It is fun to do, no jinksies, remember that TED talk, but I have been reading “Unlimited” by Jillian Michaels, don’t judge me either, it was from the library!! and it has been giving me ideas on how to better improve myself. I got pretty depressed last night, just thinking about how successful my friends from college are, and how really unsuccessful I am despite having like 3 degrees (not even exaggerating, I also have two minors, one in German and in Instructional Design). All that college has gotten me is 40k in debt, I don’t even make that in a YEAR, and some books that I am hoarding. Okay, so I have a pretty sweet portfolio, but it almost seems like I can’t move forward until I make some headway into my professional life and it almost seems like I am sabotaging myself. At any rate, I hope I figure out how to not be freaking broke all the time by age 35, here is to hoping!!
It’s true. I am a bit spoiled, but hey look it is the capital and look that chick ain’t me doing that. I slept for probably 16 hours yesterday. Awesome job. I had written a bunch of stuff regarding living in a cooler zip code, but it was as if Firefox new better than me to not save the draft and when I had the brilliant idea of trying to put a paypal donate widget. By the way, WordPress is lame like that and won’t let you add forms or other HTML that isn’t just straight up text or images. WordPress dot org might be a bit better, but I am broke again after paying my bills (at least I pay them) which leads me to my new page, it kinda freaks me out that I am using my personal email, but whatevs, you have my email now, stalkers welcome. Every time I log into my accounts for the Student loans I feel like watching this video – 1:05 cracks me up — student loans are a biiitch! :
This morning at 6, the Insanity from Beachbody infomercial came on and it reminded me that I had actually obtained them. I would like to do them, but my dvd player is limited to the office and there is not much space, plus I feel kinda bad jumping around in the morning because I have downstairs neighbors and it probably sounds like a heard of buffalo stampeding. It is certainly an effective workout, if your goal is to be drenched in sweat afterwards, but I am wondering if it is HIIT in the sense that you don’t really take a lot of breaks while doing it. You basically have a series of calisthenics/plyometrics that go from medium, fast to fastest.. found a breakdown here and it shows you how many rests you get… and it ain’t many, and HIIT according to the wikipedia article is intended to have about a 2:1 ratio of work to recovery. Just doing the workout for a few days, I have to also wonder how hard these are on your knees. High impact cardio is great for you aerobically, I am sure, but I have to wonder if your body is meant to take more than about 10 minutes of heavy impact for day. It is a very confusing task to try to discern what is good and what is bad in terms of exercise. I walk each hour at work, and that really hasn’t steered me wrong. Anyway, I may try to do some working out this evening.
Need to take some sexy food pictures, too! How about some metal for this Monday \m/:
Just for good measure, probably one of my favorite albums of all time, the mid to late 1990’s was pretty awesome for underground music even if the mainstream was shit:
Apparently it is terrible for you, and yesterday I really felt the exhaustion after breakfast. I had just thought it was from eating a humongous breakfast. Nopalitos are quickly becoming my favorite Mexican dish, and I quickly polished those delightful items with potatoes, beans and tortillas. So yesterday was a bit of an adventure, as mentioned, my fatigue was more than normal, so in walking back to the office, my phone fell out of my purse and I had no idea, because I like to walk around with an 8-10 pound purse. No joke, the seat-belt signal flashes on when my purse is sitting on the passenger side! So playing frogger to the other side of the street in sprinting and repeating this process may just be a bit of exercise I need to maintain this weight, considering I am carrying my “kettle purse” along the while. The food choices have been rather poor as well. I wish I was exaggerating when I say that I have had ice cream for most of this week, but I am not! And finally, the Whataburger was reopen so I could indulge in my favorite sandwich, the blessed and holy Chop House Cheddar and before you think of me a total pig, I skipped on the fries and soda.
My finger got stubbed too, as I was getting up from the bed, my bf predictably tried to slap my bottom. Because it is so predictable, I put my hand out to block him, well, I guess my index finger was sticking out and took the brunt of the impact intended for my booty and perhaps jammed it. It still hurts and looks like a sausage this morning and I hope it heals properly because my pinky had gotten jammed last year and now is permanently crooked. I am not mad at him because it is something stupid that he always does and it was just an accident, but I got mad when he said that I shouldn’t have put my finger there. Hopefully the swelling will go down today and it won’t hurt to type!!
So sleepy, this is a valuable lesson for me to use the sleep timer instead of just having the television on all night. Good thing I have an extra 5-hour energy to chug for noon. Today’s musical alphabet is a bittersweet one considering I could go see this DJ for free in Dallas, key words, Dallas. Yes, the three hours it would take me to drive up there plus the hotel accommodations, plus whatever drinks because I assume this isn’t an open-bar affair. My dwindling budget will not allow for this, but hey at least I won’t be starving all day because I am hungry and have negative money in the bank in the beginning of October like I did this month. I know that is terribly sad, but it is what happened, partly my fault, not gonna lie. So, I am determined to make next month different, and also to support my goals of saving money, I am opting out of driving to this party. There is even a free party tomorrow that I am iffy on, now that I have said that I am not going, watch me go, lol.
I am not sweating every day, like the title says I should, need some fitspo stat! It doesn’t help. It never does, if anything it probably raises my cortisol level just making me fatter, so to relieve my stress level without emptying my pocketbook here is John Digweed instead. The grooveshark widget for playlist is a fail, btw:
Actually living up to the blog’s namesake today. After 12 day hiatus, I got back into my practice with Earth 60. While I really want to continue a practice about 5-6 days a week, I find it rather difficult to make the Saturday afternoon classes. Sometimes there is no reason other than laziness, ahem, last weekend was a good example of this. While the defensive driving course I took precluded me from going Sunday. My lack of desire to go to the Wood 90 class was the only reason for not attending, so really, there was no excuse. I did about a mini-20 minute session from lolo, but for fitness’s sake, it was very lacking. I did feel pretty fantastic for the whole day, so maybe it was pretty effective in that regard.
I may have injured my back a little getting back into practice. Okay, how silly is this? I kinda wish that the instructors of classes had their own sessions so that the inexperienced yoginis such as myself could not feel so damned self-conscious. I have had this happen before with people who I thought were showing off. Now, I don’t think they are really showing off, but I get such a complex when I see that they are doing the Utthita Hasta Padangustasana (doesn’t Sanskrit seem like the coolest language?) and I can barely do it with my leg bent!! Somewhere between full locust and cobra, I believe I strained my back and it really sucks, but I also fully acknowledge that this is something that is not the fault of the people doing the perfect poses. Seriously, why should they alter their practice, just because I get butthurt that I am not able to do the same thing. It sounds like a personal problem, as they say.
More non-paleo friendly goodness via Noodles and Company, BUT, considering this dish was 660 calories, not great but compared to a Baconator, which I believe is about 1200 calories, I could have done a lot worse. Not good, not bad, just okay. However, it is like I am not even trying anymore to have any sort of structure to my meal plan. Going out to eat is still murder on my pocket book. The meal itself wasn’t bad, but the ice cream afterwards, I am sure doesn’t do me any favors, including giving me nightmares. So the details are sketchy, but I remember there was some sort of police pursuit where I was cornered into a cul-de-sac and then the officer has me pulled over. He mentioned some sort of hit-and-run where I hit some car and then for some reason doesn’t take me to jail, but I guess I was awaiting some trial and then I find out that this was a felony that I was involved in, so I become panicked and realize in a moment of lucidity that it was only a dream, but it seemed to have continued even as I realized it wasn’t real. Not much else I remember, but it was absolutely frightening. So, here is a moment of gratitude that I am not involved in a felony hit and run.
So the alphabetized music catalog each day is superior than a countdown because of my moods. I have been obsessing about The Cult, lately. Not sure what happened to them in the mid 90’s that made them not so great. Perhaps, there is an expiration date on music. Nine Inch Nails seems to be the only band (if you can even really say that about him) that has seems to be eternally awesome, but admittedly I am a bit of a fan girl. Whatevs. Here we are with a few tracks that I adore:
(ps: go watch Cool World if you have not already, it is like Who Framed Roger Rabbit for grown folks!)
My favorite kind of glitter!
The BF does not understand why I like this band and he says that it is a generational thing, because technically I am an X-er, and he is a Millenial. Okay, Mr. Gen Y, why do you like Joy Division? Makes no sense >_< But, I tease.
Those leggings are super cute and cheap compared to something like Black Milk, and I kinda love everything about this picture. Now to find that top, where did you find it Cat, where??? Not that this outfit is super scandalous, but it is definitely not something I would wear to work.
So, I must confess that I have a serious addiction to social networking. The only reason that I am pretty interested in this is because it is ultimately a bad habit I would like to extinguish. I don’t habitually smoke, but Facebook is essentially my nicotine. I am not even exaggerating. For no reason, other than to be entertained by those who have more interesting lives than I do, I check my feed first thing in the morning as if it were a morning cigarette. Twitter is not that much better for me, but I only have about 600 followers on that medium as opposed to 1500 on Facebook, so I think I feel a bit distanced. I think I want to get out of this trap, not going to take a complete break from it (although it might be beneficial) Anyway, the steps I have taken have been to clear my history so that it is not in my browser window to check it. I think I am going to remove the application from the mobile devices. The trick was really identifying the cue that triggered my compulsion to check my feed. The cue, I have found was that I actually wanted a little bit of a reward for doing work. I mean, good thing I am staying diligent on my tasks, but I feel like I need to find other ways to reward myself. Yesterday I occupied my brain with finding out a bit how to use XSLT, a programming language that we use for our software. It really worked, the time melted away and I felt myself more in a “flow” state and less tempted to check social media or any of the other implements(cough, wordpress, cough) that steal my time, thanks Assemblage 23 for that line.
Not exactly following the alphabetical format, unless you count Blondie who is on the soundtrack, but one of my favorite movies is Rules of Attraction and also one of my favorite soundtracks, especially with the chilling (don’t worry, no spoilers!) themes of the movie. Listening to it gives me goosebumps, in thinking about the film. Gotta love a piece of art that will do that to you, oh dopamine. Anyway, strangely Pet Shop Boys was in my head, so in the same new wave 80’s vibe, the Erasure track from his soundtrack kinda manifested itself into my thoughts, so here we are:
Interestingly enough, I have never even read the Brett Easton Ellis book that this film is based on. I am almost afraid of doing it, because I hate becoming one of those “The book was better” people. It doesn’t always happen that way, though. I am probably in the minority here, but I actually think that “Fight Club” movie was better than the book. The movie was so visually appealing and really gave a sense of impending doom, but the book gradually alluded to his mental break, and maybe it was just because I saw the film first, it didn’t come as such a shock to me when you read it. Palahniuk, though, is one of my favorite authors. Kinda bummed that there was no “Survivor” movie, however. Oh well.
Making excuses, but 30 day challenges are probably best started on the start of the month, ergo I had dairy in my coffee this morning. Whoops. It isn’t like I am gaining weight either, but not making any significant strides to my goals either, except for reading, which I guess is cool. Yesterday was the defensive driving class, which I shall not name because it wasn’t great. I mean, I had very low expectations, and bless his heart he certainly was trying to be funny. For some reason I expected to see like a comedy troupe and sketch humor, but it was really just one guy and a Robin Williams very much impression (on a side note, the Family Guy where everyone turned into him was on, go figure!). IMHO, he should really stick with the anecdotes and ease up on the impressions, but I certainly give him props on being able to fill 6 hours of time with material. I have done only 3 hours of training, and it is tough!
This is how I feel right now: flashy and eye-catching, but ultimately void of any substance!
Pew pew, I hate when I start a thought and don’t finish it. Diet has been a drag, no tracking. No Fitbit to track the steps either. Haven’t been getting 10k either, maybe a few thousand from shopping and walking around the work building but not nearly enough to be healthy. Yoga has been spotty at best, with like one home practice, despite my goal of getting 150 hours in on year. I wouldn’t even say that is a very lofty goal but that requires about a 3-4 hour commitment per week, if I want to accomplish this by July 15th of next year, maybe less since I already have 30 hours. Anyway, I would like to think my slacktastic weekend is due to my boyfriend not being around, and I feel like I have no accountability towards anyone, but that is such bullshit. Am I not accountable to myself? Maybe this is what depression is like. Who knows? At least there is music.
Music makes me lose control! Who doesn’t like music, right. My bf teases me all the time, because I am this snob about electronic, ie: I don’t listen to really anything outside of electronic, and whatever, that may be somewhat true with the exception of a few bands, but as Charles Duhigg has pointed out, this isn’t my fault. We like what is familiar, and for the past oh, 11 years, EDM has just been my thing. I sneer at jam band music, too, sorry. 😦 The librarian wants to catalog things, so here is the beginning of my list, Azoic, The:
I would write a bunch about this, but the track is about 11 years old, and maybe I am just too self-conscious about what the 12 of you think about my prose, but anything I type just seems cliché and not important. Ugh, oh so negative, I hate it. Fear is the worst thing for creativity, don’t you agree? There are probably so many things I could talk about but the fear of being judged as too old, or not artistic enough, or shallow really makes me a bit depressed. Maybe, I just need some more liquid courage, and by that I mean caffeine, that always helps, right? Okay, now just babbling on, who would want to read this at all? Fuck, I am feeling too anxious. I am stressed about things, but hopefully they will get resolved. I used to have such joy in this and now it feels like a chore, life feels a bit like that lately, though. Lauren needs to get her groove back.
Actually, not really. Not enough sleep in the past 3 days, insomnia and this morning I had to get up at like 6am to take my boyfriend to the airport. Yeehaw, but the rest of this month I have vowed to myself to at the very least to get my finances in at least somewhat order. It is pretty bleak, however, when I actually pay all my bills. Such is life, I am not really in a good place to move, so finding employment elsewhere would be a challenge that I don’t know I can handle right now. The best I can hope for is that revenue will pick up in our company and that will translate to a higher salary for me, but at worst if it doesn’t and I don’t get a raise, in April, it will mark my 5 years with this company, so that would give me a lot of leverage if I chose to take my talent elsewhere and perhaps to a more managerial position. Anyway, having everything clearly indicated is truly a stress reliever, even it means that I have to hide my debit card from myself and live on an “allowance” of cash for the next 2 weeks.
Just trying to remain positive, even if things are difficult right now. This weekend will be lonely, but not necessarily in a bad way. Having a long-term relationship sometimes means that you become attached at the hip so to speak with your significant other. Plus the apartment is a mess, and I kinda like jamming out the tunes and practicing some dance moves while I do my hausfrau duties. Speaking of which, I need to finalize my to-do list for the morning, so that in the afternoon I can relax and enjoy the day. Tomorrow morning, I get my platinum hair done, hey budget or not, I will NOT go around with 3 inch roots! I may or may not go to the park for some psy-trance (depending how nasty the weather is), and tomorrow evening I have a dinner party to go to, so that will be fun. Now, I know what you are thinking, what about the whole 30? Welll.. Sunday I have a six hour, yuck, defensive driving course I need to take and there will be pizza. I know myself well enough that if there is a yummy food around something that I am not wanting to be at such as a 6 hour course, I am going to indulge. That’s just the way it is. So, the best I will be able to do is on the 17th, hell I may not even do another one, great way to set up a success. Pardon me, I am pretty amped up on Zero Cal Monster, so the tangential rambling may be a bit intense today.
Not to mention, the breaks I am forced to take because of work, fucking day job, why can’t I just be a badass bloggerina to support myself (and I talk about not having enough money now). So yeah, check out the two new pages I have added: 31 things while 31 and Lauren’s Library books are added as I read or am reading them, so that should help with Goal #1, if you are paying attention! Well, super busy, wish I could muse further on my complete failings at life, but there is too much shit to do, so until I have more more time, TTFN!
PS: I am stupid lazy this morning (less than four hours of sleep), so I am re-posting something I wrote probably 2 years ago in a now dead blog.
Cleopatra and Projekt records were the shit back in the day and it would not surprise me if I spent half a thousand dollars on CD’s (yes those little plastic things you can put in your car sometimes) Unfortunately, I had most of my music in the apartment in 2005 during Hurricane Katrina, so a lot of them could not be replaced even if I wanted. Six years later, I occasionally get tired of the industrial (read: we are goth but want to invent ourselves) music or electronic beats that so often fill my earholes. Besides buying music, the best way to share something was a mix-tape. I miss this experience, some of my favorite tunes were gleaned from my friend Melissa and Toby Collier who respectively introduced me to these bitchin songs:
Anyone who knows me knows that I am super outgoing and responsive through a caffeinated fueled mania or either completely withdrawn and perhaps a bit bitchy, so human contact can be a tricky thing with me, and DIY is sometimes preferable. The more solitary model of finding new tunes was via compilations yep, no Pandora or related youtube videos, and the pre-college 56k connection my family had was not permissive for file sharing either. At any rate the list:
First compilation, like the fact that the discs instead of being numbered are “G-O-T-H”, cuz I am a dork.
Highlights
(edit: video removed, ultimately I forget which song I picked, derp, guess my love of goth is waning, which makes it even more goth, oh dear)
(I know what you are thinking. Why didn’t I link to the Lycia track “Everything is Cold”?) Well, the version on this compilation is different from the original which is the only one available on Youtube, the one that is not favorable. Not sure where the 1996 version is found.
Very Switchblade Symphony sounding, but almost impossible to find anything else by this band, See Also: Purr Machine.
Breakbeat, atmospheric, yummy goodness
The soulwhirlingsomewhere track has also some shoegazey layered effects that distinguish Projekt as a more ethereal/ambient label then the darkwave influence of Cleopatra
It has more mainstream tracks then any of the other ones, but I like the fact that it gives recognition to people who have clearly influenced the movement. Granted a lot of these were made in the 70’s and 80’s, the retrofuture style has always been something that kids will follow because it always seemed that you will want to associate with older people, because it just means that you are that much better than your peers.
Highlights
As someone who realizes how ridiculous this scene was now, I am kinda amused that Andrew Eldritch talked shit about goths. I mean who wants to be considered the grandfather of anything? …conformists
For five extra points, Wayne Hussey is the singer of this band, who also did the remix for the Gossamer track from #4.
sweat every day 