Raining bad times.

The thundering weather in Austin sets up a good metaphor for the bullshit that has been happening to me lately. So, as much as I wanted to, the mini-vacay was just not in the cards because of some unforeseen medical bills, so that sucked. On top of that, my phone decided to be an ass and stop working, my hope is that it is just the battery and that I can get it replaced soon. So the consequences of that have been that I have had to put my GymPact on hold, because there has been no way of checking in via RunKeeper or through the GPS. Sucks, I really liked having that accountability. In general, I have been pretty depressed, too. I have to have hope that this is the end of bad things and better things will start happening, but then again it has been a long stretch of bad. 

Weight has been pretty stable at 126-127, but then again I have been eating mostly beans, veggies, and rice (I was able to basically feed two people for like 5 days on $15, crazy huh?) I know like weight loss, life has a way of working out, if you make the right choices, but being stressed out all the times certainly doesn’t create the right environment to make those. I made it 15 days smoke free, and this past Saturday I relented “socially” to indulge in those awful things. The cognitive dissonance doesn’t work on me, I know they are terrible, fatal, and it is not likely that science will help me grow a new lung. Yet, give me a mint julep (my way of celebrating the Kentucky Derby) and a bloody Mary and those concerns just melt away. Pathetic. Stop doing stupid shit, Lauren. Self-destruction isn’t cute anymore. Ugh, can someone cheer me up, please.

 

Social Media Siesta Sorta

Forgive me if I seem a bit delirious, because I aaaaam. Decided about a week ago to quit using Facebook and twitter for a few weeks, well just because it was making me feel bad. It’s not that I don’t enjoy finding out about every mundane thing or even sharing my own crap, but it was beginning to be a bit much and with a bit of determination (deleting the sites’ histories and applications also helped), managed to stay off the sites, but the pinning, oh that Pinterest has its pins in me, hyuck hyuck.

Why so delirious? I am pretty sure that I have been at a severe deficit calorie-wise. Yesterday was under 1200, Sunday was 1299, Saturday big numbers with 1668, but mucho cardio (see below)

Here are the running results for the weekend (the sizing is a bit off)

Super excited about actually doing road work instead of just the treadmill. Done about 5 running miles pn the machine, but really actually going on real terrain feels so much more rewarding, not to mention doing some serious favors for my derrière. (Yeah I said it!) ooooweeee, I am back, barely, at 125 pounds, but not gonna lie it is a bit painful right now. I have a fear that tomorrow I am going to dive face first Garfield cat-style in a pan of lasagna, and you know those stouffers frozen deals are incredible, om nom nom…

Okay, freaking tired y’all, oh btw, give me some comment love, plz!

More leftovers

Somewhere between having Lucy’s surgery, trying to save money (yay a whole $67 in 7 weeks) and being too sane for the “Insanity” program I lost my way with posting regularly on this blog and I feel like shit about it. Still doing the GymPact, and only been penalized twice for missing workouts. Just so exhausted lately, probably need to get rid of those late nights, at my age even being a “Weekend Warrior” has consequences not only on my bank account, but just in my general well being.  Here is some of my artistry captured about 2 weeks ago:

You can find healthy options at Outback Steakhouse, apparently. Still trying to count calories, while enjoying my life, so I had the chicken on the barbie, and have to say it wasn’t bad calorie-wise, think about 450?

That isn’t my beer, but I do need to cool it on the beer drinking. Fuck smoking, I am not really what I would call addicted (okay every day isn’t addicted?) but I want to quit permanently,  it is like peanut butter and jelly with drinking and cigarettes. You can have a PBJ sandwich, but you certainly want the jelly (cigs).

I have been going through a lot of pain lately, and some of it is my fault, but I really want things to improve in my life, more hopeful positive posts to come, I promise, but I just wanted to let everyone know I am alive.

Workout WINsday – night moves!

With the one beer I drank last night (the horror!), I ended up with a 30 calorie surplus than I should have had, however, there was a lot of activity as you can see in the chart below:

Some of that was C25K, and if I haven’t mentioned I am training for The Electric Run at the end of March and some of that was plain ole fashioned dancing, burpees and jumping jacks. This morning was incredibly difficult to get out of bed even! Have also made some money from Gym Pact:

Slowly but steadily seeing results, and ended up only spending about $45 on groceries (for two people!!) last night. Well, mostly because it was not my money I was spending, and unfortunately,  I did buy a lot of processed stuff like instant mashed potatoes, pasta, macaroni and cheese, and “helper” foods. However I was sure to make sure that at least half of the items were vegetables and fruits, so that was a win.   So since we are on the subject of stats, check out this mess:

BOOM!

Yep, I set a record 382 views yesterday, now it is nowhere near my goal of 1,000 visitors but it is a HUGE spike in traffic. Thanks to a nod from Go Kaleo so happy with that.  I thought I had a bit more to say, but I suppose I don’t so here is a picture of Early Cuyler:

More random images that I find on my compy…. I have been told that I look like Rachael McAdams (that picture was supposed to be about wanting to always lose 3lbs), not sure if I see the resemblance, but I will take the complement nonetheless!

Well, this post is going nowhere fast, so I bid Adieu!

The more you know!

Yesterday, the blogger Go Kaleo posted this image:

It really got me thinking, as I see a lot of misinformation about this condition, but the sad part is. It isn’t even recognized as a real condition, adrenal insufficiency is an actual thing and you can be prescribed hormones to treat this. However, the “fatigue” diagnosis often is followed by useless supplementation and a “well duh” prescription of healthy eating and exercise. Don’t, I repeat, DO NOT GOOGLE THIS, research this on Wikipedia or WebMD instead, well maybe not WebMD, if you are a hypochondriac like myself.  As well all know:

There are, however, tons of hucksters wanting to take advantage of people’s desire to have a healthy mind and body, and I figure this is worth sharing as well (NSFW for the language and boobies at the end!!),

An interesting thing I found this weekend upon some random facebook milling about was an image describing cancer risks. One of the parts of the image suggested that eating overly charred meat increases one’s risk of cancer. Well, I have heard this claim before, and as it turns out, it isn’t bullshit! Over the years, I have dabbled in fitness and health, and come to realize what I should have years ago, the more sources that an article has, the more veracious it is likely to be.

But what about, Big Pharma and the toxic drugs. Listen, I am all about conspiracies like the next person, but at some point even the counter argument can just be as dogmatic as the accepted truth. Take home message, don’t be duped into buying a supplement. You don’t need to go on a juice detox because you already two great organs for that, your kidneys and your liver, and if you are having problems with those, then a juice fast might actually do more harm than good. This is something that I have to remind myself, even. Humans always want a magic pill it seems, but the real magic happens when you actually put in the time and effort. I have drank a bit of the paleo kool-aid, but guess what, it was a diet that contained mostly whole foods such as fruit and vegetables, and I also incorporated 10k steps a day, of course I lost weight. Now, I am still trying to eat vegetables, but I also allow myself pasta, still walk 10k (if not more) steps a day, and guess what, I am still losing weight, because I am still tracking calories! Amazing how the law of thermodynamics have not magically changed because I decided to not give a shit about carbs!

Here are some good sites that I like to use when thinking critically about health and wellness:

http://www.skepdic.com/

http://www.quackwatch.com/

http://www.skeptic.com/

Here is also a great video from Micheal Shermer about skepticism:

Foodie Friday – good and bad

Blue Baker has been sort of a new ritual for me. This past weekend, I did not super-over indulgence and opted for the smoked salmon salad. Normally, I am not a fan of tomatoes (except in salsa or pizza), but the sun-dried tomatoes were a rather nice touch. Capers are generally nasty, imo, but the rest of the salad was superb. Also, I can never pass up a good broccoli/cheddar. It tastes exactly like the one the have at Quizno’s and quite possibly acquired from the same supplier, but my palette is not refined enough to mind it, cheese is GOOD!

However on the opposite end of the spectrum, I splurged with a big ole Texican from Texidelphia, and yes that is ranch, and yes, I did dip my waffle fries into. I regret nothing! Well, actually it was quite calorically expensive, but it tasted fucking fantastic. One of my favorite places in Austin to eat. All of my favorite places to eat are very fattening, yet incredibly delicious. I think you could say that about any place, though.

Well, at least the Gym Pact earned me $1.16 last week. It is a good commitment, but I think I need to up the stakes to 5x a week. I usually just end up going Thursday-Sunday, which is good but the rest of the week needs some good sweaty attention, too! At least the numbers on the scale are dropping. The consistent measuring of food has been paying off, sure I have been eating pasta, but really 3 ounces is only like 30 calories and it is enough of an amount of food so that you are not dying of hunger. Also, the dog walking/running has supplied even more cardio, Lucy has become my personal trainer, hah! Well, my mind is a bit hazy from the Jack in the Box brain fog of lunch, zzzzzz, anyway, stay sweaty, my friends.

New Year’s Evolution

Of course I have this unattainable ambitious list of items that I had planned on doing back in July. What I hadn’t planned on was my life actually getting in the way of the list and well, you know, it happens. Paleo, shmaleo, I like to eat and I like to eat things I like to eat. As far as I can tell, I do not have a gluten sensitivity or intolerance, so screw it, I am going to eat low carb when I feel like it, and not so restrictive when I don’t. And guess what, with the addition of walking from a new dog, I haven’t felt like it. Go figure. Saturday, mah man and I went to Blue Baker and I ordered the Tejas Blue and it was glorious:

I don’t even want to know how many calories it is, probably lots!

mmmmmm, guac!

Had planned on doing a whole 30 during this month, you know as sort of a reset, and while I do agree with these reasons I just didn’t plan ahead enough. However, I did do a lot of research into my weight loss goal of 110 by this summer. Well, ideally it would be a skinny SXSW (hah, see what I did with the alliteration, yet again?) with a 20 pound loss in 10 weeks. Let’s just say the numbers are really freaking difficult to burn 3600 calories times two. Can someone definitively tell me if it is 3500 or 3600 calories per pound of fat? I have heard both, so erring on the side of caution, it was 7200 per week in my calculations. Anyway, the mathematics for losing 20 pounds in 2 months is ridiculous, so a more attainable but still pretty challenging time-frame would be 10 weeks, and for 2 pounds a week it is still 514 calorie deficit through exercise and 514 through calorie restriction. Using the Harris-Benedict equation and the BMR for each week (assuming a 2-2.5 pound weight loss per week) I would have to start out even at 130 pounds around 1200 calories, and then closer to about 1000 calories per day and zero “cheat” days to attain 110 pounds by the ides of March.

In other words, I have already fucked up! Yeah, skipping what you may call amateur hour downtown for NYE, I brunched at Trudy’s and stuffed my gullet with delicious brunch buffet treats, one overpriced mimosa, and one spicy bloody mary. Not exactly debauchery, but definitely gluttony. Today’s hot chocolate mixed with coffee plus the creamer I used in my coffee at work, by the way, not sure I would be typing so furiously without it, #justsayin (boy I wish I could get rid of the habit to write like a douche sometimes) But really, this tweet sums up what everyone should do:

if your thinking new years resolutions.. do not make them about things you don't like, make them about the things you do!

— iambenga (@iambenga) December 27, 2012

In the spirit of this, I hooped for 30 minutes last night and applied makeup yesterday and today. The fake tan looks a bit Snookiish, but I look better, and not surprisingly I feel better. The working out after work foolproof plan I created, will have to be modified a bit because I adopted a dog, but I did join GymPact at a 4x a week plan, so there will be financial ramifications if I do not go to the gym, yay accountability!

Lemon water & avocado mayonaise

This looks so much more appetizing than apple pie, right?

Like my carbohydrate vices, the promise of a new year brings with it the false hope that I will miraculously change my habitually poor lifestyle choices and become a beacon of health and wellness. Right. Part of me hopes that I get a little bit sick, just to shed 5 pounds that I effortlessly put on with the help of Cinnabon and tex-mex cuisine, but that typically is weight that gets regained. Oh, there are a few hacks I have been employing to get back down to post-Whole 30, and one of them is the wonderfully fantastic diuretic inducing lemon water!

You could say that I am on a detox of sorts, but not really because we all know that even if you starve yourself for a week, like getting sick, it just is going to creep up on you with a vengeance. I hate to be one of those chicks who obsesses about the number on the scale, but if I don’t I feel like I easily gain 5-10 pounds without even trying. Speaking of gaining or losing weight, my new goal as insane as it may sound is to get rid of 20 pounds. 127 at 64″ is simply unacceptable as stereotypically girl as that sounds. “oh I am so fat” when it is obvious I am at a normal BMI. In model terms, I am still a whale, but you would have to put me on a medieval torture rack to get me close to model terms. I have never been under 110 (at least not since I was 10) It is what I would like to call “dancer weight”. It is about to be festival season, and one of my bucket list items is to hoop or at least gogo at a huge festival. I sorta did this at 2009’s Spring Love, Future Fest, Mega Buzz in Austin (shouts to my central Texas ravers) but those aren’t really huge like the Insomniac shows, and y’all know I would love to meet Paris Hilton. But, I digress, yeah 107 might be totally turn me into “Black Swan” but it would be interesting to see how thin I could get without being full-on anorexic.

If my mind and body won’t sabotage me from working out. This morning, I had a meeting scheduled for 9:00 am (they cancelled and that is why I am writing this) so I knew I was going to need to be getting up early so supposedly I had set my alarm for 6:15. Well, it probably would have not mattered anyway that it didn’t go off until the previously set time of 7:50 because I was tossing and turning and suffering in pain. Not to go into details but if I drink too much dairy or have too many animal products, maybe it is gluten, but I am not so sure about it, but it can really affect my pelvic area. The stuff I was prescribed to treat it, makes me a crying, bloated wreck, and I worry about blood clots from it. Alternatively, I could get some kind of lacroscopic procedure, but that is totally expensive and not guaranteed to work either, so merry endometriosis. If it gets any worse, I may have no choice but to do something invasive. If it is only a few nights a month of discomfort, however, there are probably worse things in this world.

Well, now that I have totally lost the audience, I did discover a new way of adding creaminess to a sandwich while not adding too much fat plus adding some essential fatty acids. Also, the sandwich made use of some non traditional ingredients such as stir-fry carrots and broccoli, and purple cabbage for the lettuce. Totally spontaneous creative food endeavor, but fantastic and delicious:

As far as movement, my second try into running a 5k, my philosophy will be “slow and steady”, so even though I am tempted to just start running. I am going to stick with the program and just start as scheduled the second week of the c25k program.  Hopefully my requirement to eating more calories will not sabotage my desire to get to my skinny minnie fitspo/thinspo dreams. We will see.

I heart turmeric!

Someone needs to make a stop at Penzeys because this gal is out of my favorite spice. When there are so many other sexy flavors such as cayenne and the answer really lies in curcumin. Although the studies cited in that page may not translate to humans, it certainly does not hurt to add it to your food, in fact, it probably makes you less hurt from your workouts, due to its anti-inflammatory effects, so that is a definite plus. Also, there is research to suggest that its chemicals have the ability to block subcutaneous fat, which is the fat that no one really likes. My poor little bottle needs to be filled up again!

Took a break from my ritual (well it wasn’t really so much established yet) to try a noodle place in Austin called Chen-Z. I am not too familiar with this hot pot business, so I decided on just getting the “Chen Z original” which contained some noodles and vegetables that I am also not familiar with (sorry, I am not really a foodie, I just pretend to be one on the internet).

The appetizer was decent, had sort of a vinegary flavor. The table next to me almost kept me from enjoying the meal with their needless political chatter, but I was able to shit-talk on twitter, and distract myself with my phone to enjoy the meal.

The noodle broth and meat reminded me a bit of Pho, but I think they were egg based? Regardless really tasty, if not a bit heavy for a Saturday lunch.  The Wal-Mart expedition after lunch prompted me to go cheap, super cheap, on food, because I wanted to get new linens and needed a new vacuum. It is disgusting how inexpensive these items are, and yes I am a bit hypocritical because I feel like such a conscientious consumer for watching all these documentaries, yet I still buy a $40 vacuum cleaner.  The big steals of the day are .67 Thai rice noodles, and pictured below $1.00 for double pack of scalloped potatoes. There is some joke about rapper potatoes that I don’t feel like making, you know fitty cents? –because it is a twin pack, hyuck.

Because I feel like I have done enough self-bashing for one day, I won’t mention how pissed I am for weighing 128 pounds, and that is taking into account the diuretic effect of the cabbage. So, yeah, it is noted, and I am not happy about it. Only way to fix it is to tighten up that diet. Sure the processed food is not doing me any favors. Considering getting back on the Whole 30, like everyone else and their mom come January, and it seems doable. Going on a diet during the holidays sucks ass, and I actually want to have fun at my stepsisters shindig this year, as I had to awkwardly pass up the yummy dairy and carbohydrate delights, and the booze, of course. The drinks are easy to pass up, but the food is not. I am only human, ya know, but do I really want to be this heavy? It certainly is a choice that you have to make.

Quit Complaining

I feel like that I bitch a lot,and while complaining about complaining is still complaining, I really need to stop it. Firsthand, I noticed that Johnny would complain about some commercial or something that I would say or just something when we are hanging out, and it is super annoying, but then I realized that I probably complain just as much as he does, and how do I have any right to bring it up, if I don’t control my complaining.

So, I have compiled a list of common complaints that I have and responses or solutions that I can use to counter them

1. “I’m bored.”
   This one is a pretty piss poor thing to say no matter who you are, and frankly I am way too old to be complaining about this. Usually it is during the weekend and it is that between time of having cleaned up my apartment, watched all my Hulu episodes and sometime before bedtime. This is a good 4pm to midnight (or later if I get crunk — 2004 called…) window. So, the solution, Read a motherfuckin book. Yep, there are a lot of things that don’t involve stuffing my face with fast food, or going downtown, or whatever not good idea that I have that will temporary alleviate my ennui but push me further away from my goals.
2. “I’m hungry.”
   Eat something, dummy. Okay this time, but without the inflammatory language. I usually have a pretty good gauge of hunger vs. stress/boredom eating, so I tend not to mindlessly snack, but I do get cravings for the sweet stuff around 8 or 9pm, so this is one that I have to be careful with. Everyone knows the difference between eating zingers and nachos and actually nurturing yourself with good food. I often will skip meals at work because I had forgotten my food at home, and/or too lazy to get something down the street, so really unless I plan on eating something, I really need to ditch this complaint and be more prepared when it comes to my meals.
3. “I don’t have any money”
   This one is valid. With my student loans, car, and credit card payments, I often am quite broke, however, with budgeting there is really no excuse I run out of funds. However, it is often the case, that I am shopping or eating out, and that is where the money sinkhole happens. This has been really challenging for me, because I let my emotions override my reason and I seem to lose the breaks on them, and eventually end up skidding into some bad decision. There seems to be a pattern I am noticing as I write this, and that is each of these things I complain about seem to cascade into each other. I get bored so I spend too much money then I don’t have any money, and then I am hungry (sometimes it is that bad). I am hungry, so let’s go spend some more money then I don’t have any money, so I can’t do anything and I am bored. All of my problems seem to somewhat be related, so maybe if I could just get control of my emotional immaturity I would gain control of my problems. It sounds easy, but you have to be willing to actually put the work into it.
4. “I’m too ______”
   This one is a little bit different in that it relates to some problems that I should just get over, eg: being flat-chested or being old. Yes, I have wrinkles, but should I be smoking and making them worse. NO! The flat-chested thing I should just get over as I have a boyfriend and any one who would just be with me for my tits is probably not worth being with in the first place. Can you say Douchebag? Sometimes the blank is “fat” or “flabby”, and well, that relates more to the first 3 problems. If I eat too much I weigh too much for my liking and if I keep my diet tight, I get skinnier, pretty easy right? At the risk of being repetitive, it is all about emotions. and if you can’t control your emotions, you can’t control your life which includes the discipline to workout every day, keeping a mindful yoga practice, and with keeping your food intake clean and not stuffing your face with sugary food. It is all connected, as I am realizing even just writing this.
5. “No one wants to hang out with me.”
   No, no one wants to hang out with someone who is constantly having problems and can’t get his or her shit together. This one really just sums up the crux of the issues and that is, all together now, emotional control. People use the term “Negative Nancy” and I feel like maybe I am that kind of person who complains all the time, thus no one wants to be around it. I have been around people who bitch a lot and it really gets tiring after a while. So, really just shut the fuck up already. Not to be unkind to myself, but I need a bit of tough love as they say. I need to get my shit together, or as my dad would say “get your big girl pants on” and just deal with my problems instead of complaining about them, and I think only then will things start to fall into place for me, and maybe you, too!

Okay, so yeah, that was quite a long winded entry, but I really got to the crux of my problems. It is all about control, and I need to get that back in my life if I want to gain any semblance of sanity.