Thankful Thursday – eating your words

Waterloo Icehouse breakfast – so good!

So, I knew that I would regret posting that spoiled brat kind of rant, but honestly it was kind of a distraction for things that were really bothering, but did not want to publicly rant about. I can say that they are resolved. There are some other matters that need to be taken care of, but I don’t feel so crazy stressed about things, and just have a general sense that everything will work out for me.

Ah, endorphins, in my personal exercise experience, I have come to the conclusion that even if I do cardio/gym stuff at night, that I should get some activity even if it is rather light walking, in before I go to work. The well-being of exercise really carries over into my daily activities and I feel very at peace. One thing that I notice that I am doing less and less of, however, is obsessively tracking my food, but at the same time, I am not really eating much of a breakfast (coffee) or lunch (cashews, almonds  and/or pistachios from the office), and really not eating a huge dinner (too broke to get fast food, hah!) This probably isn’t the best meal plan, as I am freaking starving right now. Not really attempting to starve myself, but  I usually will just forget to pack a meal and just  not that hungry in the morning. So, I need to work on that. Thankfully I had breakfast this morning, bacon instead of fruit, as pictured.
Anywho, the struggle not to become a cardio queen continues, my gym is going to be offering ballet classes, so that might be a cool thing to try and will sneak in some strength training because it feels so hard to to do it on my own gumption.  Oh, so very hungry, only about 90 minutes until I get to rock out with stir-fry yumminess.

A little bit empty-brained, so will sign off for now.

Quit Complaining

I feel like that I bitch a lot,and while complaining about complaining is still complaining, I really need to stop it. Firsthand, I noticed that Johnny would complain about some commercial or something that I would say or just something when we are hanging out, and it is super annoying, but then I realized that I probably complain just as much as he does, and how do I have any right to bring it up, if I don’t control my complaining.

So, I have compiled a list of common complaints that I have and responses or solutions that I can use to counter them

1. “I’m bored.”
   This one is a pretty piss poor thing to say no matter who you are, and frankly I am way too old to be complaining about this. Usually it is during the weekend and it is that between time of having cleaned up my apartment, watched all my Hulu episodes and sometime before bedtime. This is a good 4pm to midnight (or later if I get crunk — 2004 called…) window. So, the solution, Read a motherfuckin book. Yep, there are a lot of things that don’t involve stuffing my face with fast food, or going downtown, or whatever not good idea that I have that will temporary alleviate my ennui but push me further away from my goals.
2. “I’m hungry.”
   Eat something, dummy. Okay this time, but without the inflammatory language. I usually have a pretty good gauge of hunger vs. stress/boredom eating, so I tend not to mindlessly snack, but I do get cravings for the sweet stuff around 8 or 9pm, so this is one that I have to be careful with. Everyone knows the difference between eating zingers and nachos and actually nurturing yourself with good food. I often will skip meals at work because I had forgotten my food at home, and/or too lazy to get something down the street, so really unless I plan on eating something, I really need to ditch this complaint and be more prepared when it comes to my meals.
3. “I don’t have any money”
   This one is valid. With my student loans, car, and credit card payments, I often am quite broke, however, with budgeting there is really no excuse I run out of funds. However, it is often the case, that I am shopping or eating out, and that is where the money sinkhole happens. This has been really challenging for me, because I let my emotions override my reason and I seem to lose the breaks on them, and eventually end up skidding into some bad decision. There seems to be a pattern I am noticing as I write this, and that is each of these things I complain about seem to cascade into each other. I get bored so I spend too much money then I don’t have any money, and then I am hungry (sometimes it is that bad). I am hungry, so let’s go spend some more money then I don’t have any money, so I can’t do anything and I am bored. All of my problems seem to somewhat be related, so maybe if I could just get control of my emotional immaturity I would gain control of my problems. It sounds easy, but you have to be willing to actually put the work into it.
4. “I’m too ______”
   This one is a little bit different in that it relates to some problems that I should just get over, eg: being flat-chested or being old. Yes, I have wrinkles, but should I be smoking and making them worse. NO! The flat-chested thing I should just get over as I have a boyfriend and any one who would just be with me for my tits is probably not worth being with in the first place. Can you say Douchebag? Sometimes the blank is “fat” or “flabby”, and well, that relates more to the first 3 problems. If I eat too much I weigh too much for my liking and if I keep my diet tight, I get skinnier, pretty easy right? At the risk of being repetitive, it is all about emotions. and if you can’t control your emotions, you can’t control your life which includes the discipline to workout every day, keeping a mindful yoga practice, and with keeping your food intake clean and not stuffing your face with sugary food. It is all connected, as I am realizing even just writing this.
5. “No one wants to hang out with me.”
   No, no one wants to hang out with someone who is constantly having problems and can’t get his or her shit together. This one really just sums up the crux of the issues and that is, all together now, emotional control. People use the term “Negative Nancy” and I feel like maybe I am that kind of person who complains all the time, thus no one wants to be around it. I have been around people who bitch a lot and it really gets tiring after a while. So, really just shut the fuck up already. Not to be unkind to myself, but I need a bit of tough love as they say. I need to get my shit together, or as my dad would say “get your big girl pants on” and just deal with my problems instead of complaining about them, and I think only then will things start to fall into place for me, and maybe you, too!

Okay, so yeah, that was quite a long winded entry, but I really got to the crux of my problems. It is all about control, and I need to get that back in my life if I want to gain any semblance of sanity.

Tell me something good!

So, I went a little bit crazy this weekend and had a shopping spree, but it was mostly boring stuff like oil changes, but I did happen to register for a new fitness establishment for less hot yoga, and if today was any indication of the temperature, it was dare, I say COLD. The style was a lot more relaxed than I am used to as well. I’m pretty militant about my yoga, even though it is stretching, I do like to incorporate more strength. Putting planning into practice, back in my love phase of the constant love/hate of fitness. Love that sore feeling the next day. Hate that I am so bloated right now, that I can’t enjoy losses on the scale.

So financial fitness, we all know I am out of shape, hah! Totally frivolous purchase #1,  this:

I am a bit nervous to use it considering that the main ingredient may cause skin cancer, but I smoke occasionally so yeah, seem silly to be worrying about that!  At least I am putting planning into my workout routine. It is well known, to plan the night before, but I cannot overemphasize the quote “Failure to plan is planning to fail”. The past few nights I have put my stuff out:

While I didn’t go to yoga yesterday morning, I did practice with  All Fitness TV‘s version of it on the Roku. It was only 20 minutes but was an awesome introduction to an otherwise crappy Monday. Anyway, even with planning, you still can fall short of your goals, my intention on Monday morning was to actually go to yoga, but I was a bit betrayed by my beloved “slow motion potion”. Yes, I guzzle the relaxation beverages almost as much as I chug the energy drinks, get leeeeeaned:

It was relaxing, until it wasn’t. 1am rolled around, so instead of sleeping, I ended up watching episodes of American Dad until about 3:30 am, fun times. Last night, I also woke up at 4:00 am, the “Rasta Pink” was my potion of choice, instead, woke up to the horrible dating show called Excused. I am all about silly game shows and trashy reality TV, but o.m.g. this show is basically unwatchable. The comedianne who hosts it is so rude and bitchy to all of the contestants. I guess I would be too, considering what kind of idiots she has to deal with, but it is pretty bad, and if I am saying that, heh!

Speaking of not being bitchy, I have completely abandoned the paleo/primal paradigm in favor of the Healthy Choice microwave meals. Well, at least I am picking them conscientiously this time, typically I will not chose any meal over 40g of carbohydrates. The sodium in these things is a bit ridiculous, but at least they are low calorie, right? Anyway, I am not thrilled about the ConAgra brand, and if you have read The Omnivore’s Dilemna, you know what I am talking about. To try to make them a bit healthy, I have been cooking them separate from the plastic, because no one really knows the toxicity of heating plastic. Just trying to do things in general to be healthier, says the girl who just ate a burrito from 7eleven today. Yeah, whatev, it was like $1.69 and I am fah-reakin BROKE. I feel a bit like a materialistic ouroboros that spends all my money on skincare and fitness, leaving me poor to have to buy shitty nutrition that causes me to need buy the repairing exercise and skincare, and so on and so forth. But, anyway, I plan on making something a bit more wholesome to dine on tonight.

Beware the ides of Squatober.

Okay so I am not really doing that as well as I should, but I love the idea of starting over as it were on the 15th of a month. Maybe it is because I get paid bi-monthly, and without having to pay rent, it kinda makes me feel like it is bonus money which gives me a sense of freedom (well not really because I got them student loans) But anyway, the 15th represents a chance of renewal, that you can salvage the rest of the 31 days and start fresh even on a new month.

Sunday, I came up with kind of a spicy special sauce for my paleo(ish) remixed sandwich. It is low-carb, but the mayo is store bought, which is not primal compliant, BFD. I am so over it, but really I am just mad because the one time I tried making the mayo with egg whites and olive oil, it was a big-time failure. I haven’t tried since then, but I should.  At any rate, the sauce I made used generic mayo, Frank’s red hot wing sauce, and minced garlic, and it had just the right amount of creaminess, spiciness, and healthy benefit with the garlic. Not so sure it was the best thing calorie-wise, but the lettuce and chicken really needed some sort of sauce to make it actually be appealing.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. No yoga, and it is looking more and more like no orange bracelet by the end of this month, which sucks, but it is what it is. I may skip breakfast tomorrow, but I freaking love those nopalitos. Excuse Monday was  that my boyfriend needed the car because his has been having a lot of difficulties lately and I didn’t want to come back to pick him up. Yesterday’s excuse was that the night before I woke up around 3:00 AM and could not get back to sleep until like 4:30-5am. BTW, did you know that Jerry Springer has a dating show now? Maybe the world really is ending in 2012. This morning, what was my excuse, well I simply didn’t have one. I feel like I am going to sabotage myself with the work breakfast tomorrow, even though it is optional for me, but hopefully I will be strong.

My skin situation has really been ticking me off. I am not sure if it is acne, or if I am allergic to something, but I have been getting these bumps on my forehead and has seem to coincide with my hot yoga, so I am wondering if it is just not washing my face thoroughly enough after yoga, but I did buy these special face cleansers, so I am not sure. I was looking into Proactiv, but if you look at the reviews on Amazon, all of them mention the sheisty Auto-Pay system that Guthy Renker uses to send them. They have kiosks at the mall for it, so that might be something that would better serve me just paying the extra money not to have my debit card information held hostage. How about you audience, have you had any experience (good or bad) with Proactiv for breakouts?

Of course, the stress from money problems could be the cause of the breakouts, and really I don’t know what to do about that. I am actually taking some strides in making better choices financially.  Instead of my normal salon, I am going to Avenue Five, which is a beauty school, and it is significantly cheaper then the one I had been going to, like $45 instead of $125. I figure the worst that could happen is they fry my hair and I have to get a wig, KIDDING, but seriously all the yelp reviews were good, so yeah. Okay, yes, be judgmental and say that I could just avoid going to the salon and have my natural hair, pish posh, what madness is that?
Besides, now that I started my DIY tanning and do not have a gym membership, I figure I can allot that money towards my hair. The last time I tried to DIY bleaching my roots, it was a disaster, so I have learned to not do that!

Well, not much else to say, so hope you are having a Wonderful Wednesday. Stay sweaty, my friend!

Winner Winner, Poached Chicken Dinner!

Why oh why are both of my hamstrings sore today.  I slept most of Sunday and I don’t remember doing much of anything except for punching my car  out of frustration when I left my keys at the spice counter at the grocery store  and I was so distraught I couldn’ t imagine that it would take a while for someone to bring them to the lost and found (btw car one, my hand zero, no broken bones, but I clearly bruised my pinky finger)

So, to combat the lazies I had decided to cook the vegetables on Friday, and then for the mashed sweet potatoes, I boiled them while I was poaching the chicken. I got this recipe and used it. Forgot to add the lemon, but it was still yummy even with just the bay leaves, also added some rosemary because it just seemed like it would  add a good flavor.  So the second time around, I will use the lemons. I believe poaching is my favorite way to cook chicken. All the succulence of sauteing with the ease of baking. There is a little bit of prep work with the broth, but it is incredibly easy, in my view, plus you can make different dishes with the chicken once cooked. I have never tried making a chicken salad, but it might be time for me to try that!

With the mystery sore muscles and imaginary cinder blocks strapped to my ankles and eyelids today, hot yoga this morning was not happening. Someone decided to delete my Insanity workouts from the hard drive, so I had to re-obtain them, heh heh heh, “RRRRRRR”.  I cried this morning coming to work, because it really just seems that all I do anymore is work and fight with my boyfriend. I wish things could get easier, but it always seems like I make such bad decisions based on bad advice and then I am forced to be the one that takes full responsibility just because I happen to make more money. Could I be anymore vague?

My womantimes are about to happen, again sure y’all wanted to have this information. I wish things were somehow less stressful, but it never ends. I am in such a precarious position with my money, if i were to be fired, I would be so screwed.  I have considered selling my car, just to put some ease on the bills I am having to pay, but then I would have to walk in triple digit heat or freezing ass cold (if we happen to get a bad winter) to work, or worse live near my job and trust me, that would be fucking dreadful. Sorry to complain about these first world problems, but right now I have zero money and I know it is my fault, but I feel like it isn’t all my fault, if that makes any sense.

Spoiled Rotten

Look Austin, TX is repping some fitspo!

It’s true. I am a bit spoiled,  but hey look it is the capital and look that chick ain’t me doing that. I slept for probably 16 hours yesterday. Awesome job. I had written a bunch of stuff regarding living in a cooler zip code, but it was as if Firefox new better than me to not save the draft and when I had the brilliant idea of trying to put a paypal donate widget. By the way, WordPress is lame like that and won’t let you add forms or other HTML that isn’t just straight up text or images. WordPress dot org might be a bit better, but I am broke again after paying my bills (at least I pay them) which leads me to my new page, it kinda freaks me out that I am using my personal email, but whatevs, you have my email now, stalkers welcome. Every time I log into my accounts for the Student loans I feel like watching this video – 1:05 cracks me up — student loans are a biiitch! :

This morning at 6, the Insanity from Beachbody infomercial came on and it reminded me that I had actually obtained them. I would like to do them, but my dvd player is limited to the office and there is not much space, plus I feel kinda bad jumping around in the morning because I have downstairs neighbors and it probably sounds like a heard of buffalo stampeding. It is certainly an effective workout, if your goal is to be drenched in sweat afterwards, but I am wondering if it is HIIT in the sense that you don’t really take a lot of breaks while doing it. You basically have a  series of calisthenics/plyometrics that go from medium, fast to fastest.. found a breakdown here and it shows you how many rests you get… and it ain’t many, and HIIT according to the wikipedia article is intended to have about a 2:1 ratio of work to recovery. Just doing the workout for a few days, I have to also wonder how hard these are on your knees. High impact cardio is great for you aerobically, I am sure, but I have to wonder if your body is meant to take more than about 10 minutes of heavy impact for day. It is a very confusing task to try to discern what is good and what is bad in terms of exercise. I walk each hour at work, and that really hasn’t steered me wrong. Anyway, I may try to do some working out this evening.

Need to take some sexy food pictures, too! How about some metal for this Monday \m/:

Just for good measure, probably one of my favorite albums of all time, the mid to late 1990’s was pretty awesome for underground music even if the mainstream was shit:

Sleeping with the Television on

Apparently it is terrible for you, and yesterday I really felt the exhaustion after breakfast. I had just thought it was from eating a humongous breakfast. Nopalitos are quickly becoming my favorite Mexican dish, and I quickly polished those delightful items with potatoes, beans and tortillas. So yesterday was a bit of an adventure, as mentioned, my fatigue was more than normal, so in walking back to the office, my phone fell out of my purse and I had no idea, because I like to walk around with an 8-10 pound purse. No joke, the seat-belt signal flashes on when my purse is sitting on the passenger side! So playing frogger to the other side of the street in sprinting and repeating this process may just be a bit of exercise I need to maintain this weight, considering I am carrying my “kettle purse” along the while. The food choices have been rather poor as well. I wish I was exaggerating when I say that I have had ice cream for most of this week, but I am not! And finally, the Whataburger was reopen so I could indulge in my favorite sandwich, the blessed and holy Chop House Cheddar  and before you think of me a total pig, I skipped on the fries and soda.

My finger got stubbed too, as I was getting up from the bed, my bf predictably tried to slap my bottom. Because it is so predictable, I put my hand out to block him, well, I guess my index finger was sticking out and took the brunt of the impact intended for my booty and perhaps jammed it. It still hurts and looks like a sausage this morning and I hope it heals properly because my pinky had gotten jammed last year and now is permanently crooked. I am not mad at him because it is something stupid that he always does and it was just an accident, but I got mad when he said that I shouldn’t have put my finger there. Hopefully the swelling will go down today and it won’t hurt to type!!

So sleepy, this is a valuable lesson for me to use the sleep timer instead of just having the television on all night. Good thing I have an extra 5-hour energy to chug for noon. Today’s musical alphabet is a bittersweet one considering I could go see this DJ for free in Dallas, key words, Dallas. Yes, the three hours it would take me to drive up there plus the hotel accommodations, plus whatever drinks because I assume this isn’t an open-bar affair. My dwindling budget will not allow for this, but hey at least I won’t be starving all day because I am hungry and have negative money in the bank  in the beginning of October like I did this month. I know that is terribly sad, but it is what happened, partly my fault, not gonna lie.  So, I am determined to make next month different, and also to support my goals of saving money, I am opting out of driving to this party. There is even a free party tomorrow that I am iffy on, now that I have said that I am not going, watch me go, lol.

I am not sweating every day, like the title says I should, need some fitspo stat!  It doesn’t help. It never does, if anything it probably raises my cortisol level just making me fatter, so to relieve my stress level without emptying my pocketbook here is John Digweed instead. The grooveshark widget for playlist is a fail, btw:

Doin Thangs

Actually, not really. Not enough sleep in the past 3 days, insomnia and this morning I had to get up at like 6am to take my boyfriend to the airport. Yeehaw, but the rest of this month I have vowed to myself to at the very least to get my finances in at least somewhat order. It is pretty bleak, however,  when I actually pay all my bills. Such is life, I am not really in a good place to move, so finding employment elsewhere would be a challenge that I don’t know I can handle right now. The best I can hope for is that  revenue will pick up in our company and that will translate to a higher salary for me, but at worst if it doesn’t and I don’t get a raise, in April, it will mark my 5 years with this company, so that would give me a lot of leverage if I chose to take my talent elsewhere and perhaps to a more managerial position. Anyway, having everything clearly indicated is truly a stress reliever, even it means that I have to hide my debit card from myself and live on an “allowance” of cash for the next 2 weeks.

Just trying to remain positive, even if things are difficult right now.  This weekend will be lonely, but not necessarily in a bad way. Having a long-term relationship sometimes means that you become attached at the hip so to speak with your significant other. Plus the apartment is a mess,  and I kinda like jamming out the tunes and practicing some dance moves while I do my hausfrau duties. Speaking of which, I need to finalize my to-do list for the morning, so that in the afternoon I can relax and enjoy the day. Tomorrow morning, I get my platinum hair done, hey budget or not, I will NOT go around with 3 inch roots! I may or may not go to the park for some psy-trance (depending how nasty the weather is), and tomorrow evening I have a dinner party to go to, so that will be fun. Now, I know what you are thinking, what about the whole 30? Welll.. Sunday I have a six hour, yuck, defensive driving course I need to take and there will be pizza. I know myself well enough that if there is a yummy food around something that I am not wanting to be at such as a 6 hour course, I am going to indulge. That’s just the way it is. So, the best I will be able to do is on the 17th, hell I may not even do another one, great way to set up a success. Pardon me, I am pretty amped up on Zero Cal Monster, so the tangential rambling may be a bit intense today.

Not to mention, the breaks I am forced to take because of work, fucking day job, why can’t I just be a badass bloggerina to support myself (and I talk about not having enough money now). So yeah, check out the two new pages I have added:  31 things while 31 and Lauren’s Library books are added as I read or am reading them, so that should help with Goal #1, if you are paying attention! Well, super busy, wish I could muse further on my complete failings at life, but there is too much shit to do, so until I have more more time, TTFN!

Loving this rain:

Here are some songs about rain:

 

Whole 30, Day 23

Stress, stress, stress, stress, stressity STRESS!! Was too busy at work to update yesterday, strangely enough I had one  my highest traffic days stats wise on the blawg. This morning I missed yoga, because I was fighting with my boyfriend. That’s always fun. So, what is the stress about, well, my dear readers, it is about money. I just don’t have enough of it. Admittedly, some of this is self-inflicted from purchasing a car in 2011 and having to finally pay back my student loans. There are other factors which make it difficult to get by, but I am not one to talk shit. I got a raise, and I am incredibly grateful for it, but it really wasn’t enough. I have to remind myself, however, that everyone is suffering, and to be brutal honest, even with my qualifications and skill, I am fortunate to have a job. Don’t let that detract from my awesomeness, though, because as you have read, the awesomeness of the Lauren is a force to be reckoned with, even if I feel mostly like this:

Okay.. now that this out of the way, we can just move forward. I know that I am still deviating from Whole30 (not enough to not count it, but enough to note it) by my consumption of fruit and coconut water. My boss had some Larabars, and I could have asked for one, but decided to use my own energy, okay mostly from coffee, to power through the day. So, my resolve is getting slightly better in eating sugars, but I know there will be at least one time it is truly tested.  My stepsister is having a dinner party this weekend, and it is so close to the end, I wish she could have scheduled it for September 1st, so I could have a least one martini, but life does not work that way, and sometimes you just have to put your big girl pants on and suck it up. The good news is that with the exception of this morning’s missed yoga, I have been able to keep up with my fitness. Yesterday, I almost made 10k steps with the help of some interval training. In Jackie Warner’s book, she said to just do jogging, sprinting and cool down rounds. Well, I varied it up a little bit and did: buttkickers, high knees, jogging in place, jumping jacks, and repeated butt kickers and jumping jacks for a total of  5 rounds.